Today, at school, I cried in the bathroom. I walked out of class because I was embarrassed over the most ridiculous thing. I cried because “no one understands me” and “today was a shit day”. I also cried because I was angry. Angry at people, angry at myself for taking things personally, and furious because I was sitting on the bathroom floor sobbing. As I sat on the floor between a locked stall door and toilet, I kept asking myself, “Is it okay to cry? I’m a spoiled, privileged, young person. I have a great life! Why am I crying? Why? Am I overreacting? Why can’t I stop? Why should I not be able to cry when I want to? Why do I keep crying? I need to toughen up!” This continued for an hour and thirty minutes. Time I will never get back.
Month: September 2014
A doctor’s view on health
I’ve always been active. In high school I was a year round athlete and my body reflected this. Looking back on pictures I can hardly believe that I looked like that because I always saw myself as huge. According to my weight which was 15-30 pounds higher than my friends I thought that I was so much larger than I was at 135 pounds, I had an extremely warped view on my body. Now as a senior in college I have gained about 20 pounds and it is a continuous struggle to love myself. There are days I stand in front of my mirror and feel empowered and beautiful and strong and there are days when I’m getting dressed with friends or looking at old pictures that I feel like somehow I’m failing, but why do I think that way? Continue reading
Empowerment, Doing Sex Right and Terrible Doctors
When I think critically about why I decided to visit the doctors a few years ago, if I really am honest with myself, I realize I was seeking sympathy more then a cure. That’s not to say I wasn’t looking for a solution. I just wanted someone to reassure me that I would be okay and tell me there was some sort of several-step program that could “fix” my body effortlessly. This was not the case (could you guess?).
Fatness, Doctors, & Shame
I’ve always been fat. And until a couple of years ago, I was completely unaware that I had permission to love my body exactly the way it was. And so does everyone else. Everything changed when I discovered body positive bloggers on Tumblr who wrote about fatness. When I first read these posts, it was as if a wave of recognition washed over me – I felt validated and like I was no longer alone.
Unruly Bodies 