Has anyone ever been told ‘You shouldn’t (insert action) here!” or “You shouldn’t (insert action) in front of others”? You know, that moment when you’re doing something completely normal in life but it gets marked as socially unacceptable? Sometimes, I feel like there’s this weird aversion in seeing people cry or even people themselves crying, myself included. Continue reading
crying
I’m a Crybaby
Today, at school, I cried in the bathroom. I walked out of class because I was embarrassed over the most ridiculous thing. I cried because “no one understands me” and “today was a shit day”. I also cried because I was angry. Angry at people, angry at myself for taking things personally, and furious because I was sitting on the bathroom floor sobbing. As I sat on the floor between a locked stall door and toilet, I kept asking myself, “Is it okay to cry? I’m a spoiled, privileged, young person. I have a great life! Why am I crying? Why? Am I overreacting? Why can’t I stop? Why should I not be able to cry when I want to? Why do I keep crying? I need to toughen up!” This continued for an hour and thirty minutes. Time I will never get back.
cry about it
Riding the bus and an older women sitting in front of me is wearing a shimmery gold jacket with “Golden Age Club” embroidered in white letters on the back. Her face smiles naturally. A stop or two later, another women around the same age, maybe older, sits beside the other and pulls out a small, worn book from her purse. It’s one of those tiny things filled with appropriate Bible passages for any situation. She opens it up to a previously bookmarked chapter. “Bible Passages For Confidence.” I feel my face heat up and my throat tighten and my eyes become heavy. I start crying.
Unruly Bodies 