race

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Confessions of a Monstrous Girl

I was completely infatuated with the Monster High franchise growing up. Bed sheets, pajamas, shoes—whatever it was, I probably had it. My parents never quite understood the whys or hows, and neither did I until I reached young adulthood and still found myself rewatching the movies for comfort.

I think part of me has always been drawn to the idea of something different, such as monsters themselves. There was something surprisingly comforting about characters that were so incredibly different from each other. Whether they had fangs, stitches, or scales, they still were able to exist wholly as themselves without those differences diminishing their existence. They had friends, lovers, and full lives. They could exist without having to conform to someone else’s expectations. Looking back now, I realize my attachment to Monster High was more than just the fashion and interesting stories. I saw something in these characters I desperately wanted for myself: to accept and embrace every bit of myself, monster and all.

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The thoughts that divide us

Anywhere in the U.S., you will find that the underpaid, under-benefited jobs are saturated with people of color. Never mind the reasons behind white people being offered the higher-paying and often less physically strenuous positions; the more controllable concern stems from the places where passersby are falling short. The unreasonable expectations placed on workers, particularly workers of color, by the users of their services make it clear that we engage in the receiving of care by service workers in an entitled manner.

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Stuck in the middle

I walk in a room and I don’t know who to sit next to. There’s a black girl who looks kind but also like she may hate me. There’s a white girl who looks fun but also like she may hate me. There’s a boy who’s cute but he may hate me. A room full of people but they all may hate me. Maybe a universal experience but racial acceptance is a game in my head. Who’s going to accept me for who I am and what I look like? There’s a divide between black and white, but what about the people who are neither? My dad’s side of the family doesn’t think I’m “asian enough”, my mom’s side of the family simply tolerates me, black people think I’m white washed. White people think I’m too ethnic, people act surprised I speak english but people are also surprised I don’t speak Chinese. So what does life look like when you don’t have a “safe” side. It looks like backhanded compliments, fear from everyone, surprised when people DO like you, and a lot of days spent looking in the mirror wondering how you can fit in. Code switching? I live it, but I never know which code to default back on because who I am is not truly accepted, I always have to do my best to fit in.

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I Hate my Body Because I am Asian.

The only thing I remember that I wanted to be growing up, was to be white.

When we pretended to be our favorite characters, for some reason, I always wanted to choose the white girl with blue eyes in whatever girl group, even if there was an Asian passing girl in the group. I especially remember wanting to be Cloe from Bratz instead of Jade or Bloom from Winx Club instead of Musa. For two Halloweens straight, I was proudly Hannah Montana in my cheap blonde wig. I just wanted to be the extraordinary pretty blonde, fair girl. But I was a Filipino with dark brown hair and eyes and tan skin, born and raised here in America. 

Pictured is the infamous girl group the Winx Club. The fairies in order pictured together are Aisha, Musa, Stella, Bloom, Flora, and Tecna.
Winx Club characters together: Aisha, Musa, Stella, Bloom, Flora, and Tecna
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I Literally Don’t Know What Race I Am

This is going to sound really weird, but I am having trouble figuring out how to identify: as white, mestiza, both? I really don’t know. My brother took a DNA test and we’re ¼ indigenous to the South American region. Is that enough to consider myself a woman of color? Does the one-drop rule apply to mestizos? According to 23andMe, we’re 63% Spanish and Portuguese. I think about this a lot. So much so that I’ve even been recommended to a therapist who focuses on race.

Here is where my confusion stems from: race as a social construct and race as an identity. I read something on twitter that basically implied there is no such thing as “white-passing” because race is a social construct so whatever race society sees you as, that’s what you are. I try to apply that to myself, but there is not a social consensus on what race I am. 

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Spank Me, Daddy!

Content warning: spanking, physical punishment, parenting

When it comes to parenting, there is perhaps no concept more divisive than the use of spanking as a form of punishment.  From conversations with my peers, I have heard a wide variety of opinions on the matter, from what classifies as spanking to whether or not corporal punishment should be administered to children at all. Based on my experiences, those who were spanked as children view the act as an entirely normal part of childhood and even commend their parents use of corporal punishment, while those who were not spanked cannot imagine why someone would put their hands on their child in order to teach a lesson. Continue reading →

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Hair Removal: Only $25 and a Few Years of Shame!

As someone who spends $25 on threading her eyebrows, among other things, every month, Matthew Immergut’s Manscaping: The Tangle of Nature, Culture, and Male Body Hair struck a chord with me. Body hair removal is connected to capitalism – I could have told you that a long time ago, while shelling out money for shaving cream, razors, and those monthly threading sessions. I could have also told you that hair, and lack thereof, for women is policed by nearly everyone, from boys on the playground making fun of your “unibrow” or “moustache”, aunties telling you that you should wax your legs every six weeks instead of using a harsh razor, by friends telling you that the extra hour spent straightening your hair every morning is “totally worth it! You look SO much better!” Even today, there are countless memes all over social media about how vital it is to get a perfect eyebrow arch and brows that look perfect, but not too perfect. However, reading Immergut’s Manscaping helped me continue the process of fitting together all those fragments into one larger picture that reflects not only my experiences, but the way that Western society treats body hair on brown women as a whole.

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Alright, Let’s Be Honest America: Black Women’s Bodies Are “Inappropriate”

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I know what you’re thinking.

“Oh my god, how could to title your post that?” Continue reading →