2016 has been very hellish for me. There has been a ton of loss. I have dealt with a new kind of loss; the loss of a person who is still alive. In March I went through a very ugly break-up. One which I never thought I would recover from; one I am still trying to recover from. Continue reading
Month: November 2016
‘same’ as performance art
As with many people, i have come to adopt the word ‘same’ into my vernacular.
How are you doing?
Lately, I’ve run out of creative, small talk-ish responses to when folks ask me how I am doing.. I’ve now resigned to just a soft smile and ‘I’m doing okay.’
I’m not lying… I am doing okay. I mean, I’m graduating in 27 days…I got my very first full time job interview at a place within the very narrow field of sexual assault advocacy (which is actually tough to come by).. so you know, all things considered, I’m doing okay.
Every now and again though, I get a weird tug on my heart strings and it reminds me that Donald Trump is president elect. A man who loudly endorses xenophobia, transphobia, homophobia, sexual assault as “locker room talk,”islamophobia, white supremacy, ableism, and the list goes on. We’ve chosen him to represent us to the remainder of the globe. This dude. It’s all just wild.
I’ve seen folks move on from sadness to beginning the process of normalizing this. I’m not mad, really.. It’s human nature to take something so traumatic and violent, namely electing this dude, and immediately try to find a way to rationalize things. Otherwise, how would any of us ever sleep at night?
What bothers me is this move to normalize this person’s dialogue and rhetoric…
“Give it a chance”
“He might not be so bad”
“It’ll be okay”
Really? For whom exactly will it be okay? What bodies will benefit or even minimally impact?
I’m a queer, immigrant, woman of color, and a sexual assault survivor.
Where exactly am I supposed to seek shelter? Where do I find the safety that’s been so violently taken from me?
This expectation that it’s now November 24 and therefore I should be over it.. I should just accept it.
Accept that I’m not welcome here.
Accept that my beloved friends will have their rights stripped from them further
Accept that folks a community that I love and am a part of will be hurt even more.
Accept that despite working toward it, I won’t be able to dry all the tears that I want to.
Accept this violent bursting of my safety bubble followed by an attempt to take boiling emotions and make them lukewarm so that the we don’t disturb the peace.
I hope that soon I will be able to move from this, at times, paralyzing sadness soon.
I have every intention in being active in resistance, in allyship, and in radical love for myself and for others.
Please feel free to share thoughts. I’d love to hear from you. I’d love to build community.
Self-Care
I feel like many college students understand that feeling when you wake up one morning, after a night of binge watching Netflix, writing that paper you should have done last weekend, or just sleeping on your wrong side and knowing that your body (or your mind) is just not going to work with you today.
As you walk through campus hoping that this cup of coffee is going to work until you and your lovely bed can meet once again, it is important to give yourself some care.
There are so many things going on in your life but sometimes it is most important to remember what is most important… you and your well being. Continue reading
The Working Class and Sleep Deprivation
The face of an exhausted shiftworker is not unfamiliar to most: the half-opened eyes of a 7-11 employee, who drawls, “Good morning,” as they slowly move their sleepy arm to scan items. For many working class individuals, managing to secure 7-8 hours of sleep nightly is a constant struggle. Sleep deprivation and insomnia have a pervasive impact on those of lower socioeconomic status, resulting in numerous mental/physiological health risks and poor work performance. Sleep deprivation could be a potential factor that accounts for the near impossibility of escaping poverty. Continue reading
First Date Who Pays ?
Not too long ago, my friends and I were having a conversation about who should pay on a date, the men or the women. It seems the minute we talk about things in terms of gender, that’s when people want to have something to say. One of my friends thought that because her date is a guy that meant he had to pay, because it just makes a “good impression.” So then I asked what about a gay couple who goes on a date, she said whichever person is more “manly” should pay. Continue reading
“I Liked Your Hair Better Straight”
I’m getting tired of hearing that….
What if Videogames are Hell?
While wandering through the internet recently, I discovered a Youtube series called Epic NPC Man. In this series, the main character is an NPC (Non-Player Character) and we are seeing things that are normal in a fantasy videogame, but from a different perspective. As I was watching this, the realization that this character is capable of independent thought and reflection was forced to do scripted things slowly dawned on me. As this happened, I began wondering if this was Hell?
Emotional Trauma & Soul Ties
Recently, I was introduced to something called a “soul tie.” First of all let me explain how I got there. As we are approaching the end of the year I’ve been trying to reevaluate all of the life events that happened to me throughout the year. So I wrote everything down from January 1 up until now, this helped me look at everything the good and the bad, so that I could look at the good and figure out how to make it even better, and look at the bad and use it as a learning experience for the future. The last two years have been the most challenging years of my life. Continue reading
Screaming with Type.
Waking up in my bed on November 9th, I didn’t have to check my Facebook to know how the election turned out. I felt around me, how everything seemed to be covered in an invisible layer of slime, including myself inside my quiet cocoon of my room. I heard in the rain hitting my window, almost as if the earth was crying. Continue reading
Unruly Bodies 