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A gruesome comment that filled me with rage

It’s amazing how you can get along quite well with someone until you realize they proudly blurt out their views that make you want to instantly kick them where it hurts.

I’m known generally as the nicest person in the world. I hate conflict, and when I’m in a conversation with someone, I feel an incredibly strong obligation to smile and listen. Last week I had an extremely gigantic exception.

I was racing onto campus from work to go to the Michael Brown discussion in the Women’s Center when I encountered one of my classmates from History. We both laughed about how last minute we are when it comes to writing papers, and all was fine and good, until he said:

“Did you see the protestors up there for Ferguson?” I had no idea he meant it in a bad way.

I immediately got excited that there were protestors and asked where they were, and that’s when he snapped and exclaimed:

“What are you excited for?! My brother is a cop, and he has to deal with this stuff all of the time! I’m tired of people calling racism. It’s annoying. It’s not like black people are slaves anymore. They have their freedom, they just need to move on.”

In the midst of his “argument,” I immediately snapped, and yelled “You don’t know what the f*** you’re talking about! You have no f******* idea!”And proceeding to race to the Women’s Center with tears drowning from my face.

Did he assume I’d agree with him because I was white? Did he really believe I’d go along with his absurd comments? It made me lose a lot of hope for my generation until I made it to the Women’s Center and found people as outraged as I was, and had sophisticated arguments as well as insightful thoughts. I didn’t feel so hopeless and alone after that, but it did make me realize more than ever that there is still a fight to be won. We are still in a society that holds particular standards for race, beauty, wealth, and power. We need people to get angry and aware if we want to be and see changes in our country. Until then, I hope that guy in my history class knows why I went from nice to outraged in .00006 seconds right in his face.

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Create Love. Create Beauty. Create Art.

Just a few days ago I got into a heated debate with a stranger online about whether models are “artists” or not. I was just scrolling down my twitter and saw, “Models really consider themselves artists??” Normally I would ignore something like that, but recently I’ve made the decision that I personally will learn how to express myself better as an artist, so that the world can perceive me the way that I see myself. With that being said, I do not consider myself a model in any way or form but I felt the need to defend it…..for the sake of art. Like, who are we to judge who is and who is not an artist? There are a ton of various forms of art and I believe that if you, as a person, believe that you are creating art who am I to say you are not an artist? I believe that art is subjective, there is no way I can give you any one definition of what art is. It’s all in the individuals perception. Continue reading →

To Insinuate or to Transform
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To Insinuate or to Transform

Whether I’m wearing lots of makeup or no makeup, I am always the same person inside.

-Lady Gaga

As a child up until about 7th grade I would consider myself to had been a tomboy with girly qualities. I never wanted to put on a dress, wear dressy shoes, heels, get my hair done, and not even thinking about makeup. As I got older from high school on out, I believe I fell more into wanting to get dolled up. So makeup was a big part of that right. I soon became interested in buying foundation, and eyeliners, mascara etc. I liked doing my makeup to an extent and now, I almost wear it everyday. I personally don’t feel bound by makeup because I still go out without it. Another part of me wants to always wear it for the extra confidence boost because its insinuating. But here is where the real problem is; when is it overboard and no longer only insinuating but more trans-formative.

Society now gets on women for wearing too much makeup or making themselves look different from their natural look. When I am around my dad, boyfriend, or brother its always the “ohh she is wearing too much makeup” judgement. Many are now concerned they won’t know how someone really looks. But should that be the main concern and why is it this way. I feel society puts pressure on women to look a certain way. People now go out their way to have a certain look and to still be judged.

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Mental Illness, Society, and Work

I have been thinking about this past class’s questions a lot and how disability can really take a toll especially in the way our society is built. Being in a capitalistic society means that we must be constantly producing and consuming, but people with disabilities can’t produce/ work in the same way as people without disabilities can. People with mental illness can’t predict when they will have panic attacks and can’t plan their work schedule around them. And other mental illnesses (such as schizophrenia) can keep a person from working at all which in turn can keep them from receiving treatment (since they can’t pay for it). A lot of this also has to deal with stigma and ignorance when it comes to mental illness. Continue reading →

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Bodies in Photography

When you take a lot of photos of other people its important to have your own picture taken regularly as well.Not in order to even things out or something, but so you can observes your feelings on the matter. As someone who uses photography as a diary, an outlet to making sense of things, and a profession, I take a lot of pictures. The subjects of those pictures are always people, mostly friends or family, but sometimes strangers. I’m so thankful these people allow me to photograph them incessantly, through private moments, through unflattering faces, probably through not feeling like having their photo taken. I’m so thankful for them, in part,because I’m a bit of a hypocrite. Or sometimes I feel like one. I hate having my picture taken. It pains me. Maybe it pains me a little bit more then the ‘average’ person who doesn’t like getting their picture taken because I spend so much time thinking about the intricacies of the power of photography. It reveals too much for comfort. Photographs turns your body into an expression rather than a familiar possession. The subtext of a moment can be amplified in the bend of an arm or the tilt of a head. Even if you try to calculate a picture and how you’ll be perceived in it, sometimes, in a good photograph, something will slip through. The power of photography amplifies the power that our bodies have to express themselves. It’s a nearly unhinging experience to see yourself reflected in a single still moment, just your body existing in the physical world. If you look too long, that is. Which I do. Which is important to me. I encourage everyone, particularly people who don’t like to have their picture taken, to think critically about why and experiment with it.

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Black Bodies Matter

*Trigger Warning* Mike Brown’s death discussed in detail

I wanted to write about American Horror Story but I got sidetracked and sickened by the foul display of an American Horror Story of my own, the disregard for black life. As you may already know, Darren Wilson was not indicted for the shooting death of Michael Brown, a teenager that was heading to college mere weeks before the shooting. Why did I put that information about college?  Because that was told to me since I was young that I should go to college to make something of myself so that I could be more accepted by the overall white patriarchy. He, unarmed, was shot six times, twice in head, twice in the torso, twice in the arm. Why did I give that gruesome information about his unnecessary death? To let you know that being unarmed won’t fucking save you from your eventual demise as a black person in this country. His body was left in the street for a total of 4 and half hours. Why did I give that detail about his body after the shooting? It is clear that to much of the public that black bodies are dispensable and a hassle to clean up.

Continue reading →

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Hands Up, Don’t Shoot

Yesterday I participated in the Mike Brown protest at UMBC in front of the UC. Not just because I’m black and i felt i HAD to but walking past the people who have been there since 8am and thinking of what they were fighting for, I felt at that moment that was the best way I could show my support. I’ve been following the since August, when we first learned of the shooting. Continue reading →