Why can’t a women choose not to have children without the world criticizing her? Why is it that women get victimized when they don’t want to procreate?
I’m usually the youngest out of all my friends or any group of college students that I hang around. Whenever marriage, children, future goals come up and I state that I don’t want to have kids myself people just look at me like I’m crazy. I told this to my mother once and let me tell you… that was the worst thing I could have ever done. I’m her only daughter so apparently not trying to have any biological children was the worst thing that could happen (mind you I have two brothers). I’ve heard it all:
“you’re young”
“you’ll change your mind”
“You’ll grow up and realize how much of a blessing having a child really is”
“you don’t even know what love is until you have a child”
Adoption. Is it okay to adopt kids ONLY once you’ve tried and failed to have your own children? I really don’t understand this agreement that some people try and have with me. This guy told me once, “That’s such a waste of a good female body.” UMM HELLO?! I literally had no words for him. The mere fact that it’s my body and I can do whatever I want with it, including not having my own children; really baffles some people.
Unruly Bodies 
I love this post! Some of my friends are child free by choice and we often have this conversation. I will never understand why people input their own two cents on a decision that you decide. If you want to have kids great but don’t expect everyone else to be on board because you do. It is kind of imposing on you and other child-free by choice individuals the idea that child-bearing and child-rearing in an eventual course of action for them. One of my friends one time said to woman at her job that told her that she “didn’t know what she wanted” that “how was she, a coworker that she literally talks to rarely, to know when she decides to have a child.” That coworker never talked to her again. It seemed a little combative but I think it got the point across.
I think it’s funny how people say “it’s okay you’ll change your mind” like you’re wrong for choosing what to do to your own body. Although i do want children, I think it’s great that you’re not letting people “bully” you into having one. It really comes down to are they going to take care of the child, be up at 3am making bottles or paying for 4 yrs of college. I’m guessing not. Imagine if you had a child you really didn’t want, that child would probably be better off with someone else either way so why put an innocent child through that ? That’s just my opinion
I think this is one of those things that people say without realizing how deeply rooted this problematic thinking is within our patriarchy. Ones body doesn’t need to be producing to have value.
I just will never understand why there is such a negative response when women decide that they do not have children. I truly believe that it is a woman’s right to choose what to do with anything that relates to her body. Do people just view women as baby makers that have a responsibility to procreate for some cause that is bigger than the woman as an individual? It is just crazy to me.
I remember when I took genetics, my professor gave us an example like, “A 92 year old woman who doesn’t have any kids, but does so much community work and adopts kids, or a woman who died after childbirth at 23. Who lived a more successful life?” And of course my obvious answer, and most of the class, replied saying the old woman because she grew old, did good, and seemed happy. But he said, No, the woman who died at 23 was more successful in terms of “science”, because we are meant to procreate”. Of course, socially, the old woman was definitely more successful but since she didn’t have any children on her own, “science” deems it a waste in some way. In these terms, I can understand it. But I do truly believe in everyone making their own choices because not everyone has to live their life “the right way”, by having kids after marriage. Some people don’t even want to ever get married. If you know what you want, then that’s what you want and people shouldn’t be too judgemental over it.
I love, love, love this post. It’s amazing to me that people consider it selfish when women don’t want children, or children of their own. Some of the most intelligent people I know look at me with a sad look when I tell them I want to adopt, and they go on to talk about how beautiful pregnancy is. Isn’t adoption beautiful too?