So I’ll definitely put myself out there I am a virgin and I am 22 years old. And yes I am waiting till marriage. That being said I am tired of the, what seems to me, random depictions of virgins. In the movies usually the virgin is one prophetess or religious deity like in the movies Immortal and Conan the Barbarian. Or people in generally think that all virgins are prudish, stuck up, extra conservative, and hyper religious. It’s as if within the push for the feminist movement that means that have as much sex as you please and make the choice to have sex. What if you do not make that choice are you then against feminism. I thought the whole point of feminism is to respect women and the choices they make with their bodies (themselves). But more so it is lets show the men we can have as much sex as they can. I personally am not interested. It is as self there are two different secs the women who chose to wait and rock purity rings and the women who engage in sexual intercourse looking down on those that don’t. Of course I know that this goes both ways. But I feel as if women need to know that both options are viable and for this to happen sexual education needs to occur. Sex is everywhere and women are constantly being pressured to engage in something they might not be ready to yet. So where is the dialogue for those who want to wait and those who do not.
I think it is equally annoying to have certain body movements legitimatized by bodies who have sex and those that don’t. Just because I can wind and swirl my hips a certain way doesn’t then mean I have sex. Or if I can’t dance for anything doesn’t mean I am a prude. We create so many binary for ourselves that it is difficult to claim to be a feminist is daunting if as a part of that it means you have a body that participates in sexual intercourse. And to add on to that if you are any other ‘color’ than white your body is then hyper sexualized and expected to participate in sex. And if you are not that you are linked to being a prude. And fyi a prude means “a person who is excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct, dress, etc.” It comes from the french word meaning “worthy or respectable women”. But we take words and add our own derogation connotation to them and look down on the people that fit the altered rhetoric of the word. Lets change our words and connotations or words. In thus doing we change the frame of our world.
Unruly Bodies 
I do find that the push for having as much sex as one wants (given that it is consensual) is needed, as I believe society places too many restrictions on consensual sex, especially sex engaged in by female bodied people. However, I think that stigma (I’m not sure if it’s only restricted to the feminist movement) towards those who do not choose to engage in sex is still common to a degree, and I think that needs to be changed. Sexual decisions should be left between the people not engaging or engaging in them – no one else.
I am so glad you did this post! I have felt for a long time the messages society gives us about “virginity” is seriously messed up. Feminists should be supporting the choices that ANYONE makes with their sexuality, whether it’s to have sex or not. To me, being a sex positive feminist, means I think sex is great! But choosing not to engage is also great! As is choosing to only have monogamous sex or to be non-monogamous or WHATEVER decisions you make about your own personal sexuality is positive and supported because you are making your own choices. I also think the discourse around the idea of virginity as a “gift” is problematic, but that’s a whole ‘nother post… 😉
Since you’re brave and put yourself out there I will too. I’m also 22, but I’m not a virgin. Waiting until marriage was simply not something that was pushed in my extremely non-religious family, but waiting until you were READY to have sex and accept the consequences –i.e. being aware of what is involved in consensual sex, having a good sex education, being aware of the risks like STDs and pregnancy, etc- was VERY important in my family.
I am also very glad that you posted this on the blog. I do NOT like how hypersexualized and binary our society has become. You’re right- either you’re a virgin and you’re a prude and you wear a purity ring, or you’re –excuse my language- a slut who sleeps around. I also see your point that the feminist movement is so progressive that it almost pushes women to have sex before marriage to show that they are comfortable with themselves and that they want to have sex and be sexual beings “like men” and take control of themselves.
While I agree that taking control of your sexuality (and sexual orientation, and happiness, and satisfaction, etc.) is empowering and should be a part of the feminist movement, I also think that it is detrimental to the movement to decide that hypersexualized women are the only ones allowed to be feminists. Sexuality is not simply not the only way to be a feminist, it is not even a defining factor on what it means to be a feminist!
Hey “katloveguard” I am totally not trying to pick on you I just wanted to point out that I don’t agree with your statement, “…I also think that it is detrimental to the movement to decide that hypersexualized women are the only ones allowed to be feminists.” I am only using your words to make a point. What does hypersexualized mean anyway? Plain ol’ sexually active women are more than able to be feminists, along with women who chose to be abstinent. The main thing here is the choice to decide for yourself what you want to do with your body. I would agree that many women who do not subscribe to a religion tend to view waiting for marriage as a form of oppression by a patriarchal construct, but when I was in Bible study in high school I experienced my Christian leaders viewing girls who decided to be sexually active as being deviant sinners. Possibly part of sexual liberation is denouncing the restraints religion places on sexual acts? Anyway…I do think abstinent individuals can be feminists.
This generation has been the most harsh when it comes to labeling and stereotyping virgins. I think people should always feel comfortable about the choices that they make. I respect people for still having their virginity and choosing to wait until marriage. It takes someone with a strong morale to live in this generation, experience temptation, and choose to resist.