The internet allows for instant communication with people from all over the world. We can email, blog, instant message, “poke” on Facebook, Skype call — and, potentially, all without ever seeing the body behind the text or voice. The pessimist might assert that these communications are superficial, detached, and “not real”; we are ignoring “real” people in favor of glowing screens and lines of text.
Yet this point of view invalidates the incredible, long-lasting, very real relationships that people such as myself develop over the internet. There is the chance that we may never see in person, or even in photographs, the people we interact with this way. However, with things like Skype Video and Face Chat and “selfies,” it is easier than ever to match a face to the text. And anyway, even if I’m not talking with a person face to face, they are no less a person and our conversations are no less valid.
image by hugtherobots on tumblr
I met my boyfriend of 2 years, and many of my close friends, through the internet. Connecting with people is easier than ever, so it stands to reason that it would be easier to make new connections, too. Some, like my boyfriend, I might never have met without these amazing technological tools we have available nowadays. In my opinion, it is easier to discuss personal things, interests and preferences and fears and aspirations, through text online. Perhaps the lack of face-to-face interaction reduces the embarrassment or anxiety, because you can’t see the other’s person’s expression and reaction.
Of course, this is the same reason why so many attempt to discredit internet friendships and relationships. There is a degree of anonymity when your body is visibly “detached” from the words you say. “Ragers” and “trolls” run rampant on the internet as a result, freed by their invulnerability as a result of their anonymity, and lacking in sympathy for others who are similarly faceless. Shows like Catfish and To Catch a Predator warn that the friend you’re communicating with online might not be who they say they are. Where the body, and the identity, are potentially invisible, there is room for abuse, there is no question of that.
But this can provide a comforting safe haven for individuals with social anxiety or identities that are not typically accepted in their mainstream culture. Communities arise online where people of all kinds can congregate with others like them. The body can be temporarily escaped from, or can be advertised with selfies and self-portraits. Just as importantly, acceptance of these bodies can be sought and found in accepting groups online, where this acceptance might be hard to find “in real life.”
Those who treat the internet as a scary and dissociated kind of place are, in my opinion, merely lacking understanding of the innumerable diverse communities and avenues for interaction that exist online. I think it is sad that they are denying themselves a way to meet and get to know people from all walks of life everywhere and anywhere in the world; they are simply afraid of what they cannot understand, and so they are refusing themselves an incredible opportunity that simply did not exist 60 years ago. Human contact does not only have to be face-to-face, and contact made through text with someone hundreds or thousands of miles away is no less legitimate.
Unruly Bodies 
I think the concept of online communities is scary because of the issues that could arise. But I think they can be great at the same time because they do create places where people meet, interact, and potentially grow together. I’ve never had an opportunity for this type of interaction because I’ve been rather afraid of it. Even this blog freaks me out. I don’t want to be judged or attacked by a person I can’t even see. For me face-to-face contact is more comfortable. I don’t understand though why some would say that an online relationship with someone isn’t the same as a face-to-face relationship.
I think the conflation (in media representations at least) of ‘we met online’ and ‘we met on OkCupid’ is pretty weird, I think that the demonizing of non-corporate communities (anonymous cesspools etc) definitely plays a part. My little sister met her husband around a decade ago on a video game message board. Internet communities are really complex / complicated and dismissing them as navel gazing / disembodied is a shame
Thanks so much for this post! My partner lives a little over three hours away from where I do, which makes it hard to see each other super frequently, so the internet is a great way for us to be in touch nearly any time. I also have a lot of really good friends who I can visit a couple times throughout the year, but primarily communicate with via the internet. I think it’s such a powerful communication tool for many of the reasons you gave, and it’s weird to me when it’s devalued, especially when it’s talked about as being this totally different thing from “real life.” Like, what?! The communication that I use the internet for seems pretty real to me. Anyway, great post!
Another problem with separating the internet from the “real world” is that it creates a false binary, where the internet is completely separated and unaffected by the “real world” when that is absolutely not true. If they were completely separate, I wouldn’t be seeing the same racist, sexist bs in my World of Warcraft forums that I also encounter offline. People don’t stop being people when they log onto a computer. Racism, sexism, etc. don’t stop at the keyboard. The internet IS the real world, just a technological expansion of it.
Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think Catfish’s credibility has been questioned and ultimately deemed fake. Just more “everyone on the internet is out to hurt you” sensationalist crap. Which isn’t to say there aren’t awful people using the internet, but that it’s sensationalism pure and simple.
You may be absolutely right about Catfish; I wouldn’t be surprised at all! I agree, sensationalist is a good word for those shows that try to spook kids into never using the internet ever because there might be a bad person lying to them somewhere. Just a lot of hype that makes it SEEM like everyone on the internet is out to get you, when in reality that’s hardly the truth. 🙂
I had a huge debate about the political correctness of technology use. On my way to visit my Grandfather- who is sick in hospice- my father sent me a picture of him. He is in a coma. My sister then sent me a SNAP CHAT of him. That is when I lost it. I called screaming at both of them. Although I realize technology is part of every day life I felt that it was taking advantage of him and taking the control away from me. That image was not the last memory I wanted to have of him. Luckily I made it while he is still breathing. My father and sister were both very confused as to why I was so upset. He had no choice on the matter a photo being taken and anyone who’s ever been in the hospital I’m sure you wouldn’t want a photo taken of you. The disassociation of technology and real life is very alarming