Does he like me for me or does he like me because I am fat?
So I am going to be a bit less poetic and more “ranty” in this post for a reason. I can’t stress this enough but I can’t stand thinking that a man would want to date me or any woman because they have a fetish. Now, I don’t mean like a foot fetish or something that falls under the multiple paraphilia’s that you can find on a wiki list. I am talking about my actual body itself being a fetish for someone. It really pisses me off and maybe it’s just me, but I can’t help to think that a man who is interested in me is only interested because I am fat.
It questions so many things about yourself and about the person that is interested in you. The genuine aspects of love are completely just erased and what I personally consider disgusting, being a fat woman, is the idea that they love your ‘fatness’ and not you. Now throughout my life I have dated men who I would say have been really good to me and some who have been complete douchebags. I always find myself only dating slim men either muscular, skinny, or alike. I’ve never dated a guy who was overweight in the slightest and I personally don’t really like men who are overweight. This isn’t shunning men who are overweight or that I feel like I am too good enough even though I am overweight myself. I just personally find slimmer men more attractive and I don’t think that its completely a societal thing, I feel that its a mixture of both that and my personal attraction to slimmer men.
But going back on my tangent, I always find myself belittling the idea that a guy who is fairly attractive and slim would be interested in me. I even go back to think and overthink of my ex-boyfriends and wonder if they were attracted to me because I was fat? I later convince myself that there was much more to that than my body. I don’t know if this is an issue that will continue to bother me for the rest of my life, but trusting people when you have body issues is hard. You have to somewhat convince yourself that they are into you for your personality and whatever else is “normally” attractive like your eyes, your hair, etc.
Unruly Bodies 
Any man who dates you should date you because of what a beautiful wonderful lady you are! If he is dating you because you are heavy he is lower than low and not worth the effort it takes to kick him out the door.
I know exactly how you feel. I have struggled so much with acknowledging that people I find attractive might actually find me attractive too. I have always just automatically assumed that any conventionally attractive person I like could and would never like me; I assume anyone I like is out of my league. It’s such a negative state of mind but it’s so natural. It gets even trickier when fetishization comes into play, because either way–assuming people are out of your league or assuming people are only dating you because of your fat–you’re not in a healthy or beneficial relationship (with the person, or with yourself). I think part of changing & improving one’s relationship with their body is also stopping negative thoughts about their body and the people around them, and in my case, to stop assuming the worst about people I don’t even know. Body insecurities are driven by negative thoughts and negative thoughts are never easy to overcome; they’re like a hole that’s so easy to fall into.