WARNING: TODAY, SEPTEMBER 23, IS BI VISIBILITY DAY. ALL BISEXUALS ARE REMINDED TO AVOID COMMITTING ROBBERIES TODAY, AS YOU WILL BE VISIBLE, AND YOU WILL GET CAUGHT.
All humor aside, hi there, I’m bisexual, and I’d like that to be more visible than it is.
Bisexuality has been an annoying paradox for me since I figured out (or rather, was told) that it’s a thing that I could be. I’m definitely attracted to women, and I figured out in my teens that I could be attracted to men as well. So, bisexual – sounds easy, right? WRONG!
The fact that I figured out I could be attracted to men, and then dated a boy in high school, meant that I was assumed to be straight, and that attempting to assert that no, I’m not actually straight, would likely get brushed aside by “you’re dating a boy!” My history with dating men makes it hard for me to approach women and feel like I’ll be taken seriously as someone who wants to date women. Half the time I don’t even feel worthy of being around women who want to date women, and I often feel like LGBT spaces are both where I belong, and somewhere where I’m forbidden to be.
But here’s the most annoying part of it all: I’ve been out to my parents for almost six years, and because I’ve dated mostly men, I don’t think they actually understand or acknowledge that I’m not straight. I can’t help but feel like they invalidate my identity to a degree, in a really convoluted way.
They’re not the most understanding of LGBT issues, which makes it hard for me to feel like bringing home a girlfriend would be safe, which makes it nearly impossible for me to feel safe even attempting to date a lady. And if I don’t actually date a lady and make it plain as day to them that yes, I am into women, they’re going to keep refusing to acknowledge that I’m not straight and keep being assholes about LGBT issues in front of me, which will perpetuate the feeling that dating a woman wouldn’t be safe… and on and on it goes in a cycle of invalidating my identity.
Being polyamorous in addition to being bisexual shouldn’t make me feel like I have to date a man and a woman at the same time in order to prove that I actually am bi, but I often feel that way. I really wish I didn’t, because I have very little in the way of courage to ask a woman out on my own, let alone bring up polyamory.
Bi visibility day is important to me because I feel like my identity, my right to be who I am and like who I like, is being squashed out of me by my family’s refusal to acknowledge it and allow me to feel safe being openly bisexual. I’ve been robbed of my autonomy and my identity by an intolerant family, and it hurts. So today, I’m gonna be proud of who I am, make it visible, and not let anyone stop me from being me.
Unruly Bodies 
I completely know what you mean… I am married to a man, so I also feel like I’m definitely an invisible bisexual woman… Married to an invisible bisexual man. We both seem to feel like poseurs when we proclaim that we also like people of the same sex. I have had relationships with women in the past, but even so, the fact that I’m tied down in an apparently heterosexual way now is all that seems to matter to people. We have poly flexibility and the idea of seeing people of the same sex has occured to us… but like you said, it’s not something we want to feel like we have to do to prove ourselves.
In short, the struggle is real, and I hear ya.