A few months ago when eating lunch with friends, one of my friends offhandedly commented that ‘men must love [me]’. I realized that she was referring to my ability to fit a large amount of food in my mouth, and assuming that I would use this ability to give great blowjobs (something I have no interest in doing). This got me thinking.

Pretty much everyone I’ve ever met has made assumptions based on my appearance. Some of these assumptions have been correct, such as seeing my school uniform and assuming I attended a private school. Others have been less accurate. One incorrect assumption that the majority of people I meet make is that I am in fact female, and this assumption affects far more than just the pronouns they use to refer to me.

This society expects that all women want to have sex with men. All women want to look pretty, by society’s standards. No women want to wear men’s clothes. Women don’t eat in a messy way. Women wear a garment to keep their breasts strapped down (while still leaving them pushed out for the male gaze). Women do this. Women do that. Of course, none of these assumptions are correct for all women, but these ideas are so ingrained in our culture that even my friends who know I don’t identify as female assume I’ll act this certain way.

Part of it is that I don’t ‘try to present as masculine’ (whatever the heck ‘masculine’ actually means). I don’t really feel like replacing my entire wardrobe now that I’m out, and every experience I’ve had with binding left me unable to breathe. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to ‘act female’. I will continue to go braless, not shave my legs, and only wear makeup when I dang well please.

As for whether or not my ability to tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue or take a bite of a tall burger means ‘men must love me’, who can say? Maybe they’d find it impressive or cute. Social norms or no, I am not putting anyone’s dick in my mouth.