You have no choice but to work with what you’re given. After a semester of looking at some of the most marginalized populations throughout history, it should be clear that the body you occupy is a significant factor in what path your life takes. Everyone probably knows to not judge a book by the cover. However, realistically the stereotypes that come along with visual markers of identities like sex, race, ethnicity, and so on are carried into every new room you step foot in. Sure, it’s 2021, we are in the midst of the girlboss era and Netflix’s poorly executed diversity campaigns. I’ve often heard from peers that “social justice warriors” are now making problems out of nothing since society has become more progressive, but I strongly believe that a lot of sexism and racism are better hidden which is so scary to me. In her post Access Intimacy, Mia Mingus described how, as a disabled woman, there is a level of acceptance and comfort that only comes with being surrounded by people who also have a disability. I try to deny it, but I agree it is hard to exist in spaces where deep down you know you stick out in like a sore thumb.
I admit, I’ve been very fortunate to never have gone through any trauma or discrimination in my life but I can really relate to Mingus’s sentiment. Volunteering at a fire department takes up most of my time and has sadly become my central personality trait so I’m sorry that every post I’ve made to this blog is about my time there. I volunteer to get clinical experience for professional school applications and I genuinely want to be a capable member, but on big nights where there’s a lot of volunteers I’m always the only female. They’re generally pretty welcoming, but recently I couldn’t pretend to be ignorant anymore of the fact I’ll never be one of them or be fully respected. One of the guys I’m not as familiar with pulled me aside to accuse me of sleeping with the career staff and continued to make lewd jokes if I went off anywhere with anyone. Dude, there are literally only men present who the fuck else am I supposed to spend time with? I even try to be less feminine by avoiding makeup and wearing sports bras when I’m there but regardless I’m seen as a slut. They all cluck together like hens so I knew this was how they all actually felt about me. He’s just the one ballsy enough to speak up and protect his brethren from the temptress who has infiltrated their ranks. I stayed calm until I got home and I stood in front of the mirror with the razor ready to cut all of my hair off again. I didn’t cut it for two reasons: I looked like prepubescent Justin Beiber last time and regardless I’d still have a girl’s body and all the assumptions that go along with it. There’s a lot of positives to being a girl don’t get me wrong but sometimes there’s nothing I’d want more than to see how the other side lives. I know this perspective only acknowledges the gender binary but that’s the default framework most people think in and is what determines how they treat you. Looking at the big picture this passive-aggressive sexism doesn’t hold me back from getting the experience I need, so all I can do is let the rumors pile up in my wake.
Unruly Bodies 
I really resonated with your post. Its hard to have to deal with the male gaze and hypocrisy everywhere we go and its even harder when you are the only woman in a room full or men. Why should something that women are just as capable of doing be dominated by men? And how come if a woman is doing something that a man is also doing, men get insecure and begin to insult? You would think that we are straying away from these situations but even in 2021 there is so many men out there that believe women are just objects and do not deserve to be treated with respect. I know that some men literally are trashbags that know exactly how to strike the right nerve, but never let someone change who you are. Because at the end of the day if they are insulting you, they are the ones with the problem not you.
This was quite the interesting read, and before commenting on what you have shared I would just like to say that I am sorry you experienced such ostracism. I understand how hard it is to live in a space where you are not welcome, as at my job too I am surrounded by men who look at me as if I do not belong in such a place. As it is a heavy lifting, physically active job, the harsh looks and passive aggressive statements of things being a little too heavy for me or guys just randomly helping when I do not need such assistance, it can get exhaustive and frustrating. Therefore, working around people in a space that you have earned and deserved, yet cannot be fulfilled due to the isolation and prejudice from others, can due quite a bit of damage to one’s motivation and self-esteem. However, at some point I simply refused to care; grabbing success on my own and not caring what individuals thought of me, it has helped me so far in dealing with tough situations when it comes to environmental pressure bringing one down. I only hope you could also find a solution that works for you in the future. Thank you for sharing.