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“All Asians are smart.”

“All Asians get straight A’s”

I have heard these stereotypes all my life. My experience with education has not been the best. I disregarded my happiness and well-being for my education and this is the phenomenon of being a first-generation student.

I am the youngest of four in a first-generation Vietnamese household. My parents immigrated to America, with limited education and no knowledge of the English language. Despite that, they were able to escape from an environment of poverty and social immobility, in hopes of giving our family opportunities they never had. Because of their hardships, my parents placed a big emphasis on my siblings and I to only focus on our education. 

With the significance of education prominent in my household, I feared my parents’ disappointment if I failed to meet their expectations. To gain familial approval, I worked myself to tears. I did not have much of a social life, I rarely took sick days, and straight A’s were expected, not suggested. As a result of the immense pressure, I developed depression, anxiety, and panic attacks at the age of five. I developed insomnia because I worried about my future and if I was doing well enough to gain my parents’ satisfaction. I was destroying my health and I didn’t care because I wanted approval from my parents. It was only when my parents bragged about my grades to their friends that I got the recognition I desperately desired.

In an Asian household, mental illness is seen as a weakness. I was told I was crazy and stupid because of my struggles with my mental health. I felt myself go mad because I stopped caring for myself. Therefore, I concealed my “weakness”, to avoid judgment and shame from others. 

The stress and anxiety prevented my pursuit of happiness but drove me to work harder to achieve my goals. There’s at least a silver lining. So here is the ending of my story, I still struggle with my mental health but I learned that my happiness should come first even if I’m risking disappointing the people I love. I still do my best in school, but I know my limits now. I made myself proud. I have already made it this far, so who’s going to tell me I’m not good enough?

Grades do not define you, nor does the expectations of your culture. You are your experiences and what you learn from them. It’s a struggle being a first-generation student, but if you’re making yourself proud, then who cares about what anyone else thinks? Now that I’m older, I understand immigrant parents aren’t trying to break you down, they’re encouraging you to do your best in the only way that they know how because they weren’t raised to deal with emotions. It may not be the right way, but it’s a cultural thing.

Moral of the story: Do what makes you proud of yourself and never ruin yourself for anyone’s expectations.

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