I want to be like others and do “normal” things like exercise or stay up all night with my friends but I can’t because if I do, I’ll spend the next 1-2 days in pain. Ever since I was about 4 years old, I have had awful, excruciating migraines, which had landed me into the hospital on multiple occasions. My body will suffer if I try to be like a “normal college kid.” 

I look physically able. I look “normal.” My roommate and I live on the fourth floor so we use the elevator to get back to our room. If someone gets on the elevator and they click the second floor button, she gives me a look and once they get off she says something like  “imagine being so lazy where you use the elevator for one set of stairs and hold up the rest of us.” I usually say something along the lines of “oh I guess” or “maybe they’re just tired I dunno.” But it hurt me because I use the elevator no matter where I am going or how many stairs there are because if I don’t, I end up being in pain, dizzy, or over exhausted. I was talking to my roommate and said how I almost always use the automatic door button. She looked appalled when I said that and replied “I never use it because that’s just lazy.” I tried to explained how it physically hurts when I pull the door open or how it’s just less straining or easier sometimes. Until my current roommate, I never thought a lot about what others think when I decide to take the elevator or hit a button. 

In class we talked about our bodies and how some people see them as a way to do things, just a vessel. We also said how sometimes our bodies “fail us” in a way. I don’t want to say that my body fails me because I am able to experience happiness and fun but I can’t do what many people do and go somewhere with no repercussions the next day. I’ve realized that my body and life is different than others but somedays it’s harder to accept.