Bodies are beautiful, complex vessels of our minds and souls and hearts. Bodies deserve to take up as much space as they need, regardless of race or gender expression.
Unfortunately, that’s not how society is socialized. We’re taught both implicitly and explicitly that cisgender white men can take up as much space as they want, and if you don’t fall into any of those categories then you’re simply out of luck. Minimize yourself as much as you can, though, because God forbid you get in their way and take up their space– don’t you want to get married to one of them one day?
The walking activity that we did in class really got me thinking about how much space I do or don’t take up in a given situation, and in most cases the answer is as little as possible. In hallways or sidewalks, if someone is heading straight towards me on the same side of the aisle, I am usually the one to dodge. If I am on public transportation and it’s fairly crowded, I pull my shoulders together and hope for the best. I often cross my legs when I sit in a chair, I tuck my elbows in at the family dinner table. There are countless ways that I unconsciously attempt to make my body small in the presence of others.
So, from the moment I stepped out of class on Monday, I was on a mission. I am going to learn how to take up space with my body, whether the people around me like it or not. I refuse to be a doormat to the people that I pass on wide sidewalks that have plenty of space to walk on the other side of.
I failed my mission almost immediately after class in front of the University Center, where I moved out of the way for some guy that passed way too close to me for my liking (I became very good friends with a lamp post that day). However, being increasingly more aware of how I minimize myself this past week has led me to one small victory; on my walk the other day, two people (read: men) moved to the other side of the sidewalk after I stared them down!
It’s not much, but it’s a start. In my opinion, learning to boldly take up space in a society that wants anyone who isn’t a cisgender white man to make themselves small is well worth the risk of confused stares and some slightly annoyed men.
Unruly Bodies 
You’ve made a very good start and I’m proud of you. Something that has worked for me in the past is just anger at these norms (the moving out of the way for others). When you’re walking amongst people and the situation might arise, I bring up an anger for how things are and it gives me the confidence to follow through and not move out of the way. The longer you do it, the more confidence you have to continue. It’s tough to find the balance in being equal to others and still being polite, because there’s been so much conditioning to put others before yourself and to do everything possible to make others comfortable, even at the cost of yourself.
Congrats on the first steps, and I hope you gain the confidence to persist 🙂
I feel this on a deep level. Even though I am a male, low key, I feel as if I am the one moving out of the way for others. Thinking of different strategies to ensure that people feel comfortable and within that process ensuring that there are zero non-verbal issues has always been a thing for me. After reading this, I might just start taking up a little more space – mindfully :).
I have also noticed that when I get to class I always try to smoosh my backpack as close to me as possible to give other people more room. (especially in crowded lecture halls) While I think giving people space is important, I noticed that not everyone does this or at least takes it to the same extreme. I also have taken up the challenge of seeing how many people (usually men) I can make move out of my way when walking to class. I think it’s interesting that it takes a lot of effort and thinking to not move out of the way but becoming small and moving seems more natural.
Taking up space when you’ve been told not to is hard! I had a friend who would always walk past the same guy in the hall in high school. My friend would always try to make him move out of their way, but he never did. Every day for months, my friend, a tiny Asian person, would crash into a large white lacrosse player, and neither of them would move out of the way the next day. Space is a limited resource and it can’t just be on those of us who have learned to make ourselves smaller to change how we think about space and the body. You’re doing great!!
This was such a great blog post to touch upon. I relate to this almost everyday. When I do walk, Im always the one moving out of someones way. There was a couple times where didn’t move out the way and it was always a man that bumped into me. Also, when i walk, i try to push all my belongings closely into a less compacted space so i don’t hit my bag into someone or my arm. Being colored also plays a big role on if I’m free to take as much space i want or not.