I remember talking in class about how in society we tend to value “mind” over “body” more and how confused I was. I understood the pretext, and the dichotomy between logic and emotion – yet, I felt as if my story didn’t fit this narrative. You see, growing up in a conservative Middle Eastern household meant we didn’t talk about these things. The thought of someone in my family having a mental illness was without a doubt out of the question, according to my father. But why was this stigma wrapped around our minds and not our bodies? Why is it okay then to go get a standard physical but an outrage to talk to a therapist? This is the stubborn mentality that harms communities and will only continue to fester unless there is some clear dialogue put into place. According to Erving Goffman, stigma is defined as the “process at which the reaction of others spoils normal identity” – but I think under my father’s stoicism is a little boy who longs for help yet is too afraid. Too afraid to be seen any different that what he is – the strong provider for his family. But who is going to provide for him? These questions flood my head constantly and I think it’s extremely important to have these conversations, because it certainly isn’t weak to talk about mental health. It’s weak not to.
Unruly Bodies 
I truly understand what you’re saying about stoicism and a lack of transparency and acceptance of mental illness in POC households. It’s really sad how many people have had to suffer in silence because it was expected that they deal with their problems without talking to others. Especially those of my parents age who grew up with the mentality that anything regarding mental health was taboo and something that could be worked through alone. I really hope that through us normalizing talking about mental health, our loved ones can start their mental health journeys.
As I grew up, mental illness was very apparent within my family when it came to my Aunt who “had the mind of a child”. She was treated well within our family and not looked upon negatively. However, when it came to things like depression, it was expected to not be talked about. You were expected to handle it yourself and not involve the family as you are fully capable. If you were able to gather the courage to get help, you needed to do so alone without the support of your family. Hopefully with time and exposure, families are able to grow to just be supportive and not shame individuals with issues and force them to suffer alone.
Hi, thanks for your thoughtful replies! Your stories are powerful and make me feel like I’m not alone in this plight. I feel it’s important to be able to have these conversations for anything to really change. Thanks again.
you are not alone in the world of fear, I have always wanted to talk to a therapist. One time I had told my parents I wanted to see a therapist and lets just say things blew up. My parents started to fight saying we are not doing a good job as parents, my mom telling me we are indian we don’t have therapist, we have mothers that we connect with. at the end of the day I have never ever told my parents about my mental health problems anymore because I felt ashamed and I hated seeing myself as a wedge that was plying my parents apart.
As a society we often fear things that we don’t understand. For our foreign parents they don’t understand mental health. And honestly who completely understands it? Their way of handling something they don’t understand and can’t understand is harmful though because it negatively affects us (their kids). When I got a therapist (that I ghosted – story for another day) it was behind my parents back because I knew they wouldn’t support the idea. And boy was it an eye opener. A lot of things I thought were normal growing up actually aren’t normal and heavily affect me today. But anywho I think EVERYONE should go to therapy. Even though it might never happen but especially our parents would benefit from it.