I used to be told all the time by one of my favorite teachers that hate is a strong word and that I shouldn’t hate anything. Truthfully, I don’t know if I genuinely hate kids or if I hate the idea of what kids can be and their effect on the world. I can’t see myself having kids. I can’t see risking my life for a baby, I can’t see myself giving up my life to raise a child, and I can’t see a life where my partner also cares for a child with me.
It is so hard being a woman of color. If we choose to have kids, we are more at risk of dying during birth because we are minorities. We don’t get the same care white women do when they’re birthing. When we have kids, we are expected to give up our past life to care for our children. We lose all independence because it is expected of us as women and sometimes it is expected in our culture. There is no support while being a mother, husbands or baby daddies can leave or just ignore their responsibilities and many do.
So why should I be a mother? I know I have terrible tastes in partners and I won’t risk my life to raise a child alone and pass down the trauma I went through.
I remember being a kid and I’ll be honest I was a good kid, kind and obedient. My family caused me to be cold, closed off, and emotionless because it was easier to act as if I could care less than to show the hurt they would cause me. Every now and then my mom would ask, “What happened to you? You used to be such a good kid.” I know she risked her life to have me but is it so bad to say that she was what happened? I love my mother but I hate kids because of her. It comes from fear of doing to them what was done to me.
I don’t want to do my best as a parent and still fuck up my kid. I can’t imagine going through all I would have to be faced with a child filled with trauma because of me just as my mother did. Or even worse what if they turn out to be a psychopath despite my best efforts? It is crazy to think about ripping the most sensitive parts of my body apart just to be left devastated in the future.
This is just my opinion. If you love kids and want to have them I wish you all the best in the future.
Unruly Bodies 
Hey,
I want you to know that parents do their best to raise their kids a certain way but there is never a guarantee of them turning out that way. And your efforts are what matter, the result of your efforts is in their own hands. You don’t have to feel bad about the way they turn out because at the end of the day they are their own person and might make decisions in the heat of the moment. But that is life they will make mistakes and learn from it.
Personally, I have always wanted kids, but like you, I would never impose my opinion on others. If you want kids great if you don’t awesome! I’m not gonna lie I’ve had thoughts about being the cool wine aunt who has no kids to worry about and can do whatever I want.
I also say that I hate kids, like I do not have a maternal bone in my body nad every time that someone brings up the future and I dont talk about having kids they are like well you will change your mind when you get older. Its like as a women that is the only thing that you are meant to do. Men can be whatever they want in their life and women are mothers. I don’t like it how also other women tell each other that they kind of have to be mothers, because that also implies the already societal pressures that women have on them already.
I am the same way, having kids scare me the hormonal changes the depression. I also recall the movie we watched in class it was very hard to watch what women of color go through. I felt so much pain during the movie I even shaded a tear or two. I will never know what its like being a women of color but I am so sorry for everything you and every other african american women goes through.
I hear you loud and clear author! Childfree squad rise up! Every once in a while, I’ll come across a article disguising itself as an “I respect your choice, but not really” about people being childfree and I in return give them the fattest eyeroll I can offer. The sum of the argument is basically, “having a child is the best thing in world, you’ll never experience this kind of love and joy, and having a child taught me patience, kindness, respect, etc”, but I interpret this as you being salty and regretting the fact that you are stuck with child and wanting to spread this misery to the younger generation. Also, the whole “having a child taught me patience, kindness, and respect” argument just rubs me the wrong way because before you decided to birth a child, you weren’t compassionate? you weren’t respectful? you weren’t kind? Hmmm, seems pretty irresponsible of you to do that huh?
I might not necessarily hate them, but I don’t want kids either. In Chinese culture, children are valued because they are supposed to reflect your success. But I personally don’t want to have kids. My parents struggled years in debt because they wanted to have children, but they weren’t even ready yet. I don’t ever want to put any of my children through that. I don’t want that responsibility on my hands, and it may be selfish, but children shouldn’t be brought into this world just to watch their parents burdened. Maybe my opinion will change in the future when I’m financially and emotionally stable. But yeah, kids are not for me.