As a child I always had a fear of failure. Coming from a family that didn’t have much early on, I was conditioned to work hard towards my goals because of the expectations set above me. My parents have always been hard working thus the same teachings and conditions were set on me. I like to think of it as a hustler’s mentality. People of color in this country are often more challenged by society as a whole, thus my parents were very much strict and disciplined early on like some if not most foreign households. Their experiences as people of color molded them to be of hard-working class that caused them to pass down those same ethics and beliefs of struggle and success down to me because of societal pressures, borderline phenomenology.  

They held me to high standards that made me feel like failure wasn’t an option. Back then I couldn’t afford bad grades or get in trouble because there would be some clear consequences which at that time made me feel confined in a box because I couldn’t just slack off and what not like other people who were more privileged could, especially with the pressures and constant distractions of society back then. That alongside with personal issues I had going for me at the time, led to a lot of pent-up frustration causing me to look a different way, act a different way (Nonchalant etc.) and think the world was against me because I had too many factors going against my favor (intentionality). Wouldn’t say my story is just like everyone else’s but it is relatable. Furthermore, I was always taught to go hard or go home, so that’s what I did with everything, fights, arguments, school, relationships, jobs etc. In the end as an individual, my experiences (Phenomenology) led by this social structure molded me to have thick skin to the point where nothing really affects me anymore, which is relatable to a lot of men and how they are programmed to physically and mentally endure certain trials and tribulations.

For me it all reverts back to my fear of failure, weather it’s not getting the right grades, having test anxiety, not be an outstanding individual, not being the best that I could be, being ignorant towards a lot of things and other stuff that this society brings and faults that other men might not want to be able to express, which now leads me to strive to be the best that I can be. For me a lot of things have changed during my years, I’m more of an open-minded person now than I was before, less ignorant & more conscious; just better overall as I continue to grow. I sympathize with people going through things now a days to the point where so far, I’ve had like seven people (male & female) tell me personally that I should be a therapist. It puts a smile on my face every time I hear that because who would of thought that someone like me could feel for and be integral in someone else’s struggles. I’ve always been aware of people while having good senses to read people and help guide them through situations as I get satisfaction from motivating and uplifting people.