I started wearing makeup at 14 and I adored it. I loved the glitter, the pinks and browns, the fluffy lashes. Even the smell. It was until I stopped wearing it for a few weeks that I realized how much I depended on it. I could see my acne vividly. I could see the uneven texture of my skin. I could see my imperfections. My cheekbones weren’t defined enough without contour and bronzer. My lips do not look big enough without lip liner. I hate it. I didn’t want to leave my room without any of it on. I wouldn’t dare. What if people cringe at me? How could makeup, something I find so beautiful; make me feel so insecure? Makeup is my art and my bare face is supposed to be the canvas. I want to enjoy it again. I want to put it on knowing it’s for myself and not the insecurities that grow in my head. Models on tiktok tell you to not put makeup on for anyone but yourself and I do not. I just wish I could put it on for fun and not to cover up my acne scars or the marks under my eyes. I miss the fun of putting on blush and creating an ombre of cream bronzer combined. I recently saw a tik tok of another girl saying that she puts makeup on to enhance her natural beauty. Guys on tiktok make jokes about comparing their girlfriends with and without makeup. Others leave hate comments on a girls tiktok page saying things like “one wipe and it’s all gone”. I want acne to just be acne. I want textured skin to be accepted in the societal standards of beauty. I want makeup to just be makeup; something fun and artistic to do whenever someone wants. I despise this man-made chain reaction.
Unruly Bodies 
I have also found myself having a love hate relationship with makeup. Up until I was 17, I saw makeup as something to cover up my natural beauty so I frowned upon it, unjustly so. Eventually, I started wearing makeup and I saw it as something that was simply fun. I liked putting sparkles and glitter on the inner corners of my eyes, and I liked how it allowed me to express myself. Although, I did have a similar experience like you where I felt the need to wear makeup everyday because I did not want to look “different” than how I do naturally. I did not want to have a “before and after.” I have also seen those comments about “one wipe and it’s gone” and yet they are probably the same people who expect women to have no blemishes or dark circles under their eyes.
Ever since I was a little girl I loved makeup. I loved putting on glitter eyeshadows or fruit flavored lip gloss from a cheap kit my grandmother bought me. When I got older and started exploring more with foundation, concealer, blush, etc. I fell in love with makeup all over again. I loved the creativity makeup allows you to have and how your face is basically a canvas for art. Being someone who loves makeup, I too despise the “man-made chain reaction” or view about makeup. If makeup was not a women dominated interest I don’t believe it would receive as much hate and critique as it does.
I completely understand the way you feel becasue for me it took so long for me to fully accept and love the way that i look. I was also very dependent on makeup at a point because of the way it made other people see me. Thats the key word: “others.” I realized that I myself need to take a step back and first love the way I look. Every single blemish, scar, and so called flaw on my face is part of what makes me beautiful. I shouldn’t feel bad about the way other people may see those things because at the end of the day it’s my face and I am beautiful. I hope that one day you yourself will also be able to realize this and accept the gorgeous bare face that God gave you.
I always felt like the makeup standard has always changed between being accepted and simply being something that is used for power. I used to be very dependent on makeup as well since I had really bad acne in high-school. I did have to slowly lessen the amount I used so much of it but then I saw how using makeup slowly didn’t affect me if I didn’t wear it. I chose to really focus on skin care which helped me out a lot because then I wouldn’t have to use so much makeup. I feel your worries and I hope you find your safe spot for it soon 🙂
Thank you for sharing, I resonate a lot with this post. I started wearing makeup at a young age because it was something I was very passionate about. Over time, it became a chore and something I had to do in order to cover my imperfections. Society expects us to have perfect skin and look flawless all the time, which is unrealistic and puts so much pressure on us. I know it is difficult, but try to remind yourself that acne scars, textured skin, and dark circles are natural and normal. There is nothing wrong with you and it doesn’t take away from your beauty. I hope you rediscover your passion for makeup and genuinely enjoy it again.
As a woman in today’s society, I feel pressured to wear makeup and hide the natural elements of my skin. The beauty standard for women is clear, smooth skin, all the time, no flaws allowed. Natural human skin is not considered beautiful, unfortunately. Going out without makeup for women now makes them feel bare or exposed, because its more “feminine” to cover up those so-called flaws. I second that makeup should just be makeup, it shouldn’t be norm. If someone wants to wear makeup, as you are suggesting, they should do it for themselves, not because they feel pressured to.
I find myself wanting to try makeup, but at the same time, the shackles of modern society and societal pressure demand it be perfect. I identify as transfeminine, and this goes double for me as my body demands I look and/or present another way. I felt the same way when I saw myself wearing a wig without my mask for the first time. Immediately, a sense of being a fake sank its fangs into me, and I began to doubt my own identity. Unfortunately, the patriarchal pressure on women to appear flawless also rears its ugly head in the genderqueer and gender nonconforming communities, and I feel inadequate compared to so many other AMAB individuals who can wear makeup and look extraordinarily feminine and extremely confident. That comparison still exists, and it still has an effect on people, be it changing what makeup means, and what the norm is of what people “should” be.
I loved makeup as a little girl. I loved the pink lipglosses and blue eyeshadow. As I got older, foundation became my obsession, and next thing I knew I didn’t want to leave my house without makeup on, and that was around 14 years old. I was obsessed with beauty, hair, makeup, and fashion from a young age and just about a year ago I was able to begin to embrace my natural face with makeup products that wouldn’t cover my insecurities but that would be fun and enhance my natural beauty.
It’s so hard trying to redefine something that have been prevalent since the beginning of humankind: beauty standards. You beautifully wrote “I want makeup to just be makeup” and I think that this is such a powerful statement. Makeup SHOULD just be makeup BUT of course capitalism swooped in yet again and started promoting of woman’s’ insecurity. I remember being younger and seeing the older women in my life and how they covered their “flaws” and “blemishes”. When I asked why, the common response was “so they could look pretty.” All I could think of how beautiful they were all the time. They were all absolutely stunning inside and out and their dependency on makeup kind of scared me. All of this to say is makeup is what you make it to be. I know this may be cliche to say but it’s all about balance.