When I was little, I was always complimented on how “skinny” I was. I played sports at that time (club lacrosse and soccer), and my mother had full control over everything that I ate. My parents put me in sports as a child and I grew up playing them. I stayed the same “skinny” physique until around Sophmore year of high school. I decided to stop playing club lacrosse for mental health reasons, and I was told by the track team at my high school that I was not fast enough anymore. Then, for the first time in my entire life, I had to figure out how to keep myself healthy on my own when it came to working out and moving my body. I stopped for a while, I wanted a break from it, but I started to hate the way my body looked. I started to stalk models and other girls that society deemed beautiful and would shame myself because I did not look like them. My parents would tell me often to go to the gym because it would be good for me, but at this point I was in a depression. I slowly hated who I had become and who I looked like, and this continued for years and years. During this time in high school, I stopped eating for periods of time. Never having a stable healthy relationship with food, I either restricted or binged and always felt guilty no matter what I ate. I started to gain weight and my family started to make comments on what I was eating. I would get shamed for eating chocolate or would be told to loose weight so I could fit back into my school uniform. Then I began to skip meals and my relationship with food got worse from there. I was constantly on my phone wishing I was someone else and wishing I had a different body. This progressed for years, until last year of college. I met a group of people that made me feel like I did not have to be perfect, that I could be myself around and changed the way I view my body. I still struggle with this a decent amount but I am extremely grateful to have people in my life that always remind me that I do not need to change a single thing about my body and that social media is not always healthy.
Unruly Bodies 
Dealing with a negative body image is definitely incriminating to your mental health. All I want to say is that if the body functions, the body is beautiful. I’m thankful you have positive people around you to let you know that what you see on social media is NOT the depiction of a perfect body, more or less YOU are the perfect body. Never lose focus of what’s really important, is your mental health 🙂 Stay strong!!
I can completely relate to your experience with body image, food, and sports. I was also an athlete my whole life. From club soccer from 6 till high school, then playing a sport every season and a club sport on top of high school sports. When Covid-19 hit, it hit me very hard with sports being stopped for a long period of time. That was what kept me busy and in shape. When I was stationary at home and not working out, I saw the change in my body and heard comments on it too. Returning to sports after covid, I clearly was not the same athlete or same person and it still takes a toll on me mentally, knowing I will never be that athlete or person again. Trying to get back to the body I had is a thought that I try to forget but the comments from others makes it hard to do.