After watching the documentary Aftershock, I felt compelled to call my mother to see if she was doing okay. Unfortunately, the U.S. maternity health system has failed black mothers time and time again. Shamony Gibson, Amber Rose Isaac, and other black women were not able to get recognition in the media, but their stories and legacies live on. Their stories were truly devastating and made me thank the universe that my African mother did not have an instance of life-threatening neglect. I emphasize that my mother is African because she and her siblings were the first generation in my family to birth children outside the borders of our home country. That is a pretty big deal.

The year was 2003, this was the year that my mother found out she was pregnant. She then discovered there were two babies in her belly instead of one. Twins!!! Fraternal; a boy and a girl. (I could have been extra twining with Dr. Kate but my brother happens to be a boy and not identical to me). My parents lived in Prince George’s County at the time, gearing up to be parents for the first time which is probably a nerve-racking yet exciting experience.

Image by Shutterstock. (I hate it when the watermark is on top of the photo.)

With newfound curiosity, I asked my mom on a call last week what her experience at the hospital during her pregnancy and birth. She told me how the care you receive, depends on whether someone has insurance or not. Luckily, both she and my dad had had insurance they received from their work benefits. This pipelined her experience as a black woman in the U.S. differently as they knew that she would be able to pay for the outstanding bills that come with birth.

The doctor that she went to for her prenatal checkups did not follow an individualistic approach and went very by the book. The doctor insisted that my mom would go into pre-term labor (she didn’t). My mother felt as if she wasn’t truly given a chance and it was dehumanizing that the doctor wasn’t listening to her when it was HER body. Of course, she was not the expert on how this whole pregnancy thing worked but the person who who she needed reassurance the most from, was giving her the opposite. She said something to me on the call that truly stuck with me, “I’m an individual, not a machine”. I am certain that other pregnant women have felt this way because even though birth is a miraculous thing, it seems almost belittling in a sense what doctors tell or don’t tell their patients.

My mother got a C-section for her birth and stayed 4 days in the hospital after the birth which is not nearly enough; that was the maximum amount of days she could spend. She expressed that she thought she was being discharged too early, especially with the pain of the staples. There is so much pressure for new mothers to have it all figured out. From regaining your own strength to nursing your babies and attending to your mental health. I’m getting overwhelmed by just thinking about it. She did have a wonderful support system of friends and family to guide her along the way to lessen the heaviness of it all.

Mothers are superhuman. Tell your mom or motherly figure that you love them today.