Okay, so, no judging, but my suite hasn’t been properly cleaned in weeks. My roommates and I have a schedule that we usually stick to, but this semester has been rough (and that’s an understatement), so things just haven’t been cleaned up as well as they could be.
To give you one idea: our trashcan has been full for a good while. To give you more ideas in way more detail than you’re probably okay with: the couch cover is all scrunched up, stray hair everywhere, there’s leaves and mud that have been tracked in from the outside on our floor, our poor little coffee table has crumbs and juice and tea stains on it- please don’t even get me started on our fridge. Half the time we even forget to turn off the living room lamp at night because we’re so tired… hey! I said no judging.
Today, I got up at 12:30pm and had a good, hard look at our suite and couldn’t stand it anymore. So for two hours I wiped down all the surfaces, took out the trash, cleaned our bathroom, cleaned the microwave, cleaned the sink, vacuumed, watered my roommates’ plants, and all in all just made our living space look more neat. So. Freaking. Tiring. By the end I was ready for a nap, but I knew I couldn’t because I had assignments due at midnight. I kept thinking, no wonder we share the chores; one person doing this all is too much, especially on top of all the homework and projects and midterms we all need to study for.
It reminded me of my mom. My mother juggles so many things at home: doing the laundry, wondering what to cook for breakfast, for lunch, for dinner, sweeping the floor, cleaning three bathrooms, the list goes on and on- all while also having a full-time job at work and a full-time job as a mother. So in the end, she has three full-time jobs, one being invisible or reproductive labor around the household. Invisible labor is I think the worst labor someone could be tasked with, because usually we aren’t even tasked with it directly; it’s simply expected of us. And because of that, no one really talks about how taxing this is on our bodies, or how we should be able to take breaks because of this work.
It’s sad and frustrating. I would argue that yes, knowing how to do basic tasks like washing the dishes and doing your laundry is necessary to living, but its such a different story when you’re doing it for more people than yourself. You take on the labor of other people, and it absolutely sucks when those people don’t even acknowledge it. My father is one of them. He expects my mother and I to do things for him, because that’s our “job” in the family hierarchy- and therefore never says please or thank you. I feel like whenever I do the dishes for him, or fold his laundry, he just sees right through me. Pretty annoying, if you ask me.
I’m lucky to live with people who are appreciative of each other’s contributions to our little makeshift household for the year. My roommates thanked me profusely and it felt good to be validated in that sense. I’m also lucky to be able to have a mother so great as my mom, who does so many things all at once. I express my gratitude via words, gifts, and physical affection, and when I’m home (which is rare nowadays, unfortunately), I do my best to help her in whatever way possible to alleviate her stress. Most importantly, I let her know that her labor is visible to me. Visibility is all some people are asking for, after all.
Unruly Bodies 
I can totally understand how the experience of wanting visibility for labor is overlooked; oftentimes doing so much work and not getting recognized for it is extra exhausting on top of the work that you just did. I agree that recognition and validation is really important especially for mothers, since oftentimes those tasks are expected of them. I think it’s really good that you are able to give them the validation and visibility they need for their work and that I hope other people can continue doing the same for you.
So one: I absolutely get it. My room hasn’t been swept in months. I literally have very visible dirt and hair next to my bed And trash can. Putting my clothes away si so hard. Like it’s not.. But it is. I’ll wash my clothes and they’ll sit on my bed or desk chair for MONTHS on end and I just grab clothes to wear from that pile. Don’t get me started on washing my makeup brushes. The longest I went without washing them was THREE months. It was so nasty but it is what it is. And just in general it takes me about 2/3 weeks to clean my brushes. My depression is so bad that I had three cavities. NOT ONE BUT THREE. And they got there because doing my teeth at night was “too much”. Like my brain and body was one big “ughhhhh” and it’s like I know that after eating ice cream and chick fil a and Mac n cheese and Teo breakfast sandwichs and countless snacks throughout the day I KNOW I should be doing my teeth I KNOW this is not good like come on Morgan but I just could not bring myself to do it. Also my mom is/was the same way. I didn’t start doing my own laundry until college because she was so adamant on HER being the one doing ALL our laundry. Obviously I went down there a couple times over the years but it wasn’t consistent and because of that I had my friend help me wash my clothes the first time on campus and called my mom just to make sure.
Hello, I completely feel you on this. Keeping my room clean has never really been one of my strengths as I’ve never had the capacity for it. And it gets crazy lol, but I’ve never had a problem with keeping shared spaces clean because I simply can not stand the idea of inconveniencing someone else. So, I’ve always been aware of the amount of work that goes into the home, and I share your sentiments regarding our moms. My mom has made so much happen that I can not even fathom doing now. Working and going to school full time, raising three kids on her own, grocery shopping, clothes shopping, etc; I can’t imagine this labor she put being done by me.