Whenever something big and horrible happens, one of the biggest coping mechanisms I have is to redirect any overwhelming crushing despair or anxiety I have about it into doing my part, and doing what I can. I’m an artist, so I know I can make art about it, and I’m a GWST scholar, so I know I can write about it.
That is, I would be able to. IF I DIDN’T HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO.
I am unemployed and taking 15 credits this semester, 3 of those including an (UNPAID!) internship where I have to produce 55 entire pages of full illustrations, 5 of which have animated components. I am 3 whole weeks behind on that work, and my timing should work out but it is going to be awful and crammed and I feel sick just thinking about how much catch-up I have to do. I’m not getting paid but it’s good work that I can use in a future portfolio, and it’s for a good cause (books suited to an older reader demographic while providing illustration and comprehension assistance for readers with cognitive disabilities). Meanwhile in my actual classwork I have a major final project with a deadline coming up alarmingly soon that I want to get perfect because it’s an analysis of a video game (ULTRAKILL) and topic (Jack Halberstam’s Queer Art of Failure) that I really care about. So I am already diverting energy into two interdisciplinary activist/GWST-related things I genuinely want to get exactly right. And I feel confident in saying that I am Burnt Out.
All of this was already stressful before, you know. WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 6TH 2024.
My social media pages that day were full of posts encouraging me to get organized, make art, write thought pieces detailing my unwillingness to give in to the doom and roll up my sleeves. And I would love to participate in any movements that are mobilizing in the context of The Horror That Is Unfolding Before Our Eyes. I know I have the skill to contribute art and work beyond just sharing resources and mutual aid drives (though that is always helpful). And I know I shouldn’t hold myself to the standard of a “good” project being one that is always perfect and brilliant and revolutionary. But in times like this the pressure to make art that perfectly encapsulates the rage just adds to the crushing pressure of the world itself.
It’s a rage I fear I can’t put into words, and seeing all of the art and performance work in disability activist movements we’ve been looking at for class makes me feel like I have something to live up to. But that potential I have is shrouded by the labor required to survive, to get a job, to build a portfolio, to get a degree. And I am grateful that this is labor I can direct passion into, but man I wish it was easier. I wish I had time!!!!!!!
(all this being said, the first thing im doing once i have time is making a sticker with shadow the hedgehog holding the trans flag and saying a raw as hell quote from sonic ’06 so if thats something that interests you, keep an eye out!)
Unruly Bodies 
I FEEL THIS! I was just explaining to my spouse that I am at a literal burn out. Burnt out from school, work, house chores, and honestly the upkeep of my overall well-being. Like you, I am also enrolled in over 15 credits this semester and an intern with a chaotic workout load of an internship. Personally the only positive I can make from my hectic schedule is that my job and my internship pay me for my time. I appreciate your art for this picture, because I am the kind of person where when I start to feel burnt out from having SO much to do that I have no idea where to even start. Sometimes I seriously stare into a blank space or wall just to organize my thoughts so I can figure out which task to tackle first. Great work creating a picture I thought I could only see in my head!
Though we are riding on the struggle bus right now, the struggle bus stop is ahead in just a few short weeks. We may be crawling out of this semester, but our future selves will be proud that we pushed through! Keep going 🙂
I so relate to this. This is my last semester here, and I have to say it has been the hardest out of my four and a half years in college. With personal stressors weighing, over 100 pages of academic reading a week just to keep up with classes, and the generally stressful state of the world, I find myself alienated from community and from the things that make me truly happy. Beating my face everyday and doing drag is something that has always made me feel better, but it is also something that is terribly out of reach for me when college does not allow for the funds or the time necessary. I think that the art that you made is very fitting for this topic, as burnout really does feel like looking at a brick wall and having no idea how you are going to even begin a thought.
While I wouldn’t personally consider myself to be an artist, I understand that burnout you feel. The election was the cherry on top of an already stressful semester, and trying not to let burnout effect you seems to only make it worse.
Sometimes it’s best to just give ourselves a break, so that we can come back at our problems with fresh eyes. ULTRAKILL is a great video game 🙂 good luck with your projects this semester!
I also saw a bunch of those post-election “time to roll up your sleeves!” posts online and it honestly filled me with so much resentment. Not every moment of every day has to be spent on the grind, especially when we are struggling. I had to take the rest of the week off from classes because I couldn’t make it an hour without crying, but of course that didn’t make the dread go away. Instead it was dread AND stress over missed assignments. There is no “off” switch in our daily lives. Even when it feels like the world is crumbling we are expected to turn it into something productive. We just need time to heal!