I miss ballet. I miss Irish dance. I miss being comfortable moving my body. The best I felt was when I danced like no one was watching which is pretty silly, but true. I used to love the feeling of having a good practice. I was in such a comfortable environment and space I had grown up with. Now it’s all changed. There’s no way for me to go back to how it was completely but I still wish to experience the joy that dancing gave me. I feel like a light has gone out in my heart and I don’t know how to get it back. If I did kind of know, I am too scared to act on it. I wish there was a space to dance for people like me.
Unruly Bodies 
I was put into dance classes from a very young age to help mitigate toe-walking (which is an autistic trait, as I have found out), and I have also since come out as transmasculine. While I do not have specific attachment to my experience with dance, having also played on a girls soccer team growing up is an experience I sometimes reminisce on and wish there was some sort of trans soccer league I could participate in.
I fell out of interest for basically any organized sport around middle school, when I started getting the feeling that I was “different” in some manner of gender/sexuality. I almost feel like I got lucky in a way that I did not have attachment to organized sports that I would have also had to change my active involvement in while transitioning, but I always feel deep empathy for my trans and queer siblings who are socially isolated from the sports and activities that they love, as you have spoken about here on dance and the experience it gave you. Wishing you and all of us the best in finding or making spaces where we can feel safe!
As scary as it might be, those kinds of spaces absolutely do exist. I’d be a hypocrite and a liar if I said they were easy to enter, but I’ve had a similar experience of growing up in dance – and subsequently abandoning it when it felt too humiliating to move my body in front of others altogether due to its inherent female-ness and my own insecurities about my shape and movement and all the angles my body makes. You may not be able to reach the same level of flexibility and balance as someone who’s been continuously training rigorously for 15+ years of their life, but spaces exist to just move your body and spaces exist for adults to learn and enjoy dance and movement! It’s scary on multiple levels, but if it’s something you’re interested in, follow it! I also understand, though, the experience of aching for a past experience without really being able to get what you want out of it from a present activity.
Dancing wasn’t an activity but a part of your identity and a way to connect with your body and emotions. I can totally relate to how much you miss that sense of freedom and joy. And it’s okay to feel hesitant in trying to reclaim it; it’s a vulnerable step. Maybe creating or finding a non-judgmental space to move at your own pace could help. Your words say it all: how much dancing has meant to you.