When I look back at photos of myself, I see a puppy whose paws are too big for his body, arms and legs too long, and hands and feet too big. In elementary school I was a pretty tall kid and that tallness came with pride, when transitioning to middle school however the pride was slowly stripped away. My height, although advantageous on the surface level, left me open to ridicule in other areas.

Most of the ridicule came from my clothing. I was growing so fast that nothing fit me for long, one week my pants would fit me perfectly but the next it would look like I was wearing “highwaters”, as my peers would say. My parents didn’t want to keep buying uniforms throughout the school year so if it was still too short after taking the hem out I was stuck with those pants for the rest of the year.

Outside of the ridicule of my clothing I was often told my height was useless. Growing up I enjoyed playing sports and I was pretty good at most of them. The sport I was the worst at however was basketball. Being oftentimes the tallest on the court I was held to high expectations. Every missed shot, rebound, or lay up came with unpleasant comments about my skills and my height. I only played basketball for fun but my friends always took it overly seriously when we lost, making me feel like it was my fault.

In high school the growth spurts slowed and I got good enough at basketball that comments mostly stopped. I began to accept being skinny as a part of my identity. Which followed me to college until my sophomore year. Looking back it wasn’t a lot of weight but comments from my parents made me feel like I was getting “too big”. Unfortunately I became very self conscious, I began to wear baggy clothes, staying inside more often, keeping my shirt on at the beach and I even found myself hiding my body from my partner.

The first time I chose to ignore my internal fears was at a pool party with my friends. I originally planning not to swim, but my friends kept encouraging me to jump in. I was conscious at first but decided to have fun rather than hiding. When I went to the bathroom and really looked at myself in the mirror, I realized that the issues I had with my weight were in my head. Comments from others made it worse in the beginning but I internalized them. My “identity” as skinny led me to view weight gain on myself as a problem, when it only signified me growing into an adult. Now in my Senior year I have gained more weight but I’ve accepted that this is me, and that I should not be ashamed of any part of my body.