As my first semester at UMBC is coming to a close, I thought I’d give a review of my experience as a new transfer student living on campus.

I’d like to start this post with the aspect of UMBC that left the biggest impression on me: the food. And by lasting impression, I mean chronic disappointment. I came into UMBC eating a primarily vegetarian diet but soon realized that if I wanted to occasionally have a semblance of flavor in my meals, I would be eating meat. The options are limited, almost never healthy AND delicious, and I think would be very difficult to navigate eating on campus for people who may have food restrictions. 3/10

Following this, I’d like to touch on the place I spent the most time in: my dorm. Other than the obscene costs, I actually have quite enjoyed my dorming experience, mainly due to two factors; one being that I now have a lovely friendship with my randomly assigned roommate, and secondly that I have my own individual room in suite-style dorms, meaning that I have a lot of privacy and autonomy over my space. Despite making two really amazing friendships from my dorming, the rest of the social aspect has been somewhat lackluster, although that may be due to my more reserved personality. With all of that being said, I will definitely be commuting next year because in my opinion, those factors don’t make up for how much money it costs to live in the dorms. Regarding accessibility, the elevator is incredibly slow, makes very concerning noises, and the automatic door opener to leave my floor doesn’t work so… 7/10

Moving on to a more positive note, I have thoroughly enjoyed all of my classes with the exception of genetics, primarily because it has 200+ people in it. All of my professors have been great with communication, I’ve been engaged in the material, and especially in discussion-based classes such as this one, thoroughly enjoyed both and engaging and listening to conversations with classmates. Prior to taking this class, I had no background in GWST and came in with an open mind. Even with that initial mindset, I’m surprised by the impact this class has had on me. It’s broadened not just my way of thinking and understanding of embodiment, disability, weight, bodies in the context of work, etc, but also my overall world view. So many of my peers were incredibly well-spoken and knowledgeable on the topics discussed, and I can wholeheartedly say that loved taking this class and will assuredly take more GWST classes in the future. 9/10

Although a lot of my review is somewhat negative, that’s mostly because being critical is more fun lol. However, my time at UMBC thus far has ultimately been quite nice. I don’t regret coming here, I’m excited for the connections and learning that I will engage in, and I’m looking forward to my remaining time here. Thank you for making my first semester at UMBC an enjoyable one, and happy holidays!

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that my professors have conspired against me to make this week the most stressful week of the semester. This week alone I had three exams, a paper, this blog post, and I have an exam next Tuesday. If that wasn’t enough, I had multiple family emergencies this week as well, culminating together to make me an exhausted, stressed, anxiety-ridden version of my normal self (frankly, these are all descriptors that describe me on a day-to-day basis, but they’ve reached their peak this week).

Although this week is in its own league of stress, I must admit that the burnout I’m feeling has been around long before this week, let alone this semester. If I’m being honest, the burnout has been accumulating since the Fall 2020 semester. I had taken calculus II that summer (a horrible mistake) and had a week to recover before jumping straight into an 18 credit semester. At the time, I thought that I would be able to adjust well enough to virtual learning and that it wouldn’t be too bad – in case you didn’t guess it, I was completely wrong.

I am not someone who is suited for virtual learning. I need the structure and motivation of physically being in an academic atmosphere. Along with my struggle to adapt to online learning, I also started dealing with my chronic sinus issues in November of that semester. By December, I was running on fumes. You might be wondering then, did I cut myself any slack and prioritize my wellbeing the following semester? Of course not! Instead, I took another 18 credits, two of which were honors courses, got a new job as a learning assistant on top of the tutoring I had been doing, and started multiple long-term service commitments.

What I was doing was genuinely unhealthy, but also not uncommon among students. I’ve noticed a common phenomenon of almost glorifying being overworked. The amount of humble-bragging that goes on in college about how many all-nighters you’ve pulled, how many tests and papers and work you have to complete; I can openly admit to partaking in it myself. Even as I was listing above all my activities last spring, with the horror I felt also came a sense of pride that I was able to do all those things. But just because I had the ability to, doesn’t mean I needed to go through with it. And although I am trying to let go of the feeling of never doing enough, it still bothers me on a regular basis.

I’ve yet to find a solution to my burnout despite watching countless Youtube videos and maintaining a strict skincare regimen, but I think cutting myself some slack is a good place to start. Did I apply the absolute best of my abilities to every test and assignment I had this week? No. But I did complete everything and got seven hours of sleep last night, and that’s good enough for me.

In November of last year, I acquired a new chronic illness: sinusitis, or inflammation of the sinuses. It’s surprising how your quality of life can plummet from a constant sinus infection. Sinus headaches, raw skin from blowing my nose every five minutes, loss of taste and smell for months, unable to do any physical activity because you can’t BREATHE; despite already dealing with chronic migraines and other health issues, I can easily say I was never as miserable as I have been dealing with sinusitis.

After trying a multitude of medications in the span of five months, the only one that eased my symptoms was steroids. Prior to this, whenever someone mentioned steroids, the first thing that came to my mind was Baywatch. However, the steroids I was taking were a bit different. They significantly brought down the inflammation, and after being on them for a few months, improved my life dramatically.

However, those same steroids that improved my life so much, also caused me to gain almost thirty pounds due to their affect on my metabolism. This summer, I had surgery to reduce my sinusitis, and while it hasn’t gone away entirely, it’s manageable without prescription medication. However, the illness has left a flood of body insecurity in its wake.

American rhetoric regarding weight can be summed up quite easily: gaining weight is solely a result of your own decisions. If you’ve gained weight, you’re lazy, weak-willed, unreliable; the judgements go on. The messages are so powerful that even with knowing that line of thinking is wrong, even with knowing my weight gain has nothing to do with decisions I made, I felt and still feel shame for my weight gain. Before dealing with sinusitis I had been the same weight from the ages of 15 to 20. I felt comfortable in that body. And now, my body feels foreign to me. It’s crazy how quickly the way you talk to yourself can change. I’ve gone from general acceptance of my appearance to outright disdain practically overnight.

Being a teenager during the height of the body positivity movement had cemented in my brain that I should love myself, that I am beautiful regardless of the size of my body. But right now, loving my body feels like an unreachable goal. How can I love a body that is constantly putting me through the wringer? For now, the goal is indifference (which frankly, also seems like a tall order but at least more attainable). I want my body insecurities to take up less space in my mind; I want it so that when I get dressed in the morning I don’t choose my outfit based on whether or not my stomach is visible. It’s exhausting, and I’m tired of it. Although I didn’t have autonomy over the weight gain, I do have autonomy over what I do now. And Ive decided I’m going to work towards body neutrality. It will be a process, but so is everything else in life.

For about six years, I have suffered from chronic migraines. With it being an ailment that has run in my family, I knew it was coming, and yet still underestimated the overwhelming impact it would have on my life. The way the pain can shape shift into different forms; one day being a throbbing ache behind the eyes, to another being an unbearable pressure at the temples. The way it has tainted everyday pleasures, from coffee, to concerts, to even the weather. Even now, with them being somewhat controlled by daily medication, I still dread the rain and what the air pressure brings (the answer is a migraine, if that wasn’t clear).