When I was in kindergarten, I was known as the smart kid. I got principal’s honor roll every quarter, had all A’s, and always did my work. My parents were so proud of me. My teacher even suggested they put me in a spelling bee. Throughout the majority of elementary school, I got good grades and was always on top of my academics. But then, school got hard. My parents always ask why I used to not get perfect grades. My mom reminisces about how I used to read. My thing is, how can you ask me why I’m not getting grades like I was getting in elementary school. Did we forget one thing… that kindergarten is easy as hell? I literally never tried. Not that I wasn’t extremely smart or I didn’t do what I was supposed to do, because many other students in my class didn’t get as good grades as I did. When I got to middle school I didn’t start getting all A’s until the end. This is because it took me that long to understand that I had to work really hard for my grade. In high school, I realized that I took that for granted because life hit me way harder. So now I basically have all A’s. I guess it’s not about how you get there, but about whether or not you get there at all. I reminisce about the times when I was praised for getting amazing grades. then I look at the people around me and wonder why it is that no matter how much I try, my grades aren’t as good as theirs. By the time I started taking geometry(when I got to high school), I stopped thinking I was smart. Because I Tried, I really did. The annoying part about school is the fact that I stay up at night just to get work done (which a lot of people wouldn’t do), and I still have one grade that isn’t an A. So it’s crazy when my mom is like whaaat, why do you have all A’s and one C??? You don’t even know I’m fighting for my life here. And when come home with all A’s, all they’re gonna say is good job and move on with life.

A TikTok that I saw the other day made me think about the difference between fat shaming and skinny shaming. In the TikTok, the girl was told by someone, “you’re so skinny!” Her response was, “you’re so fat!” Many people in the comments started to argue with her, saying that she was fatphobic. It was almost as if they were rebuking all types of body shaming except for when it came to skinny people.

This controversy made me think about my own insecurities and body experiences. I’ve been skinny my whole life, and I hate it. Nothing is worse than people constantly asking you if you eat, or telling you that you’re built like sticks. People would literally look me up and down and tell me I look anorexic. People don’t always realize that some people are just born in a certain way. I’ve spent money on protein shakes that don’t work or are to heavy for me to drink. I’ve forced myself to eat to the point where I felt like gagging or throwing up. My weight affects my life in numerous ways. Going out to eat with people, I feel forced to eat quickly and in large amounts, because almost every time I eat with people they tell me that I am skinny because I don’t eat enough.

Many people made the argument that being skinny is society’s expectation for women. And they’re right, to an extent. That isn’t the case at all anymore. i don’t know about the white community, but i know that in the black community the popular norm now is to have a big butt and thighs. If you have that, you automatically have a nice body. There’s nothing wrong with that either– I feel that with the fact that most black women naturally have a lot of junk in the trunk, it’s a good thing that society has grown to embrace these body types. But what about the black girls who don’t have it? There are times I don’t even where certain clothing because it will be too evident that I have no ass. Growing up and even still now, people have always teased me about having a small butt. But the point is not even to make people pity my skinniness. No one has a “perfect” body, and everyone’s body is different. No matter what you look like, body shaming is wrong. And I think that’s the part that people miss.

It is no secret that oppression of the obese is worse and will probably always be worse than making fun of skinny people. However , there shouldn’t be a battle of oppression. Everyone has feelings and no one should be shamed for things they can’t control even though, those things might seem glorious to another person. That’s why I agree with that girl that made the TikTok. We are all beautiful. It is never okay to make fun of anyone.

Okay I’m sorry for the title…. but you know good and well you know what I’m talking about! I’ve experienced the same stereotypical comments and micro-aggressions since I was young: I’m smelly, i’m loud, and I’m aggressive because I’m African. I was always ashamed to be African because of how people made me feel. Fortunately thew woman I’ve molded into today is proud of her ethnicity and proud to be be Nigerian. I remember the first day of Kindergarten, everyone went in a circle and said their names to the class. Everyone except for me of course, I whispered by name into my teacher’s ear. I didn’t want the Olivia’s and Veronica’s and Phil’s to know that I my name was Ogechi. For some reason it was embarrassing. So many Africans if you haven’t noticed give you a reluctant look when you ask them what their last name is. My name had been laughed at too many times to say it with pride. I had been called names like “African Booty Scratcher”. I was ashamed to talk about the food I ate or even bring it to school. Not because I was raised this way, but because this was how everyone made me feel. People at my school often bullied me and made jokes about my country’s language. Something that is interesting to me is that back then, I was barely offended by it. If someone however were to say certain things like that to me now, I’d very upset and I would make it known. I think this is because I thought I deserved it. I thought it was bad to be African. But something else that I’ve noticed is that it’s not a bad thing anymore. A lot of people admire African culture so much now. They sing the songs, the wear the clothing it’s like a bandwagon. It’s always odd to think about because this was the same thing I got laughed at for. However, it’s not even the fact that people like my culture that has helped me to realize what a blessing it is to be African. I’ve grown to realize that I’ve always loved by culture deep down, and was just scared to express it. I think this is such a vivid example of racial embodiment because the way I was treated and the way people told me I should be treated really influenced how I thought about myself and made me neglect my culture. I’m glad I grew out of the phase of wanting to be Americanized so bad… it’s not that great anyway. I couldn’t imagine not being African. I love it, and I’d like to keep it that way.