Lookin’ cool in our favorite JC Penny’s sweats
As many of you know, I have a twin, and she’s pretty damn cool. Growing up as a twin was the best thing ever. While I won’t pretend I wasn’t annoyed when Annie would steal my favorite lion shirt or would get on my case about not cleaning up my half of the room, it was pretty amazing having someone who you shared everything with so completely–someone who knew you better than anyone in the world. Annie and I are fraternal (not identical) so while we tried to switch places and pretend to be each other once or twice, nobody bought it. We were forced to accept that there weren’t going to be any Mary Kate and Ashley-style shenanigans in store for us, and after getting over that initial tragedy, we became comfortable with the fact that we were just totally different people, inside and out.
But this is a fact that has been harder for other people to wrap their heads around. People feel the constant need to point out our differences to us, and they feel a strange sense of entitlement to scrutinize and compare our bodies. “You’re so much taller,” they’ll say to Annie, “But you’ve both got the same blue eyes!” What are we supposed to say to comments like these? Yes, that’s true? I always wonder what people are hoping to get out of these interactions; do they think they’re providing us with some sort of revelation, that we don’t know that we look different (and in some ways, similar)? My favorite interaction to date was with a fellow classmate who, upon being introduced to Annie and I, looked us both up and down, then pointed to Annie and said simply, “You’re slimmer.” Thank you, ma’am, we were both entirely unaware of that fact.
It’s particularly frustrating, because I don’t think these people realize what being constantly compared to another person does to you–how difficult it makes forming your identity outside of that person, and how hurtful their more judgmental comments can be. While I’ve hardened myself to some of the more value-laden comparisons people have made about us, it was very difficult as middle-schoolers and teenagers to be constantly compared on the basis of our bodies. My self-esteem was tied up so much in what other people thought of me, and particularly what they thought of me in relation to Annie, that I couldn’t see myself outside of this twin-binary. When you’ve been asked “which one is the evil twin” practically since you were born, it’s hard not to see yourself in terms of dichotomies–to assume that one of you will be good, and one will be bad; that one will be the winner, and one will be the loser. It feels like you’re trapped in this competition that you never signed up for in the first place, and when you’re talking about competing against someone that you care deeply about, you don’t want either of you to lose. So I can safely say that there is no real “winner” in this situation. 
Unruly Bodies 
I like this post for so many different reasons. For one I’ve secretly wished I was a twin for years and since I know that is obviously not possible I actually want twins instead. I always thought it would be cool to always have someone around for the first day of school or when it’s time to play but I never thought of the idea of identity. Now I’m not sure if I’d want to be compared to someone else all the time pointing out differences and similarities all the time. Especially how everyone wants to believe they are their own person. That probably makes all of that 10x harder. In the end Im sure being a twin is 100x better but this post does make me wonder.
Don’t let this post deter you from the awesomeness of being a twin; having someone there with you for every major step of your life is pretty special, and the pros far outweigh the cons (at least in my experience). I wouldn’t trade being a twin for anything in the world. Like every relationship, it just comes with its own unique set of problems, and it can just get frustrating having to deal with people’s invasiveness and rude comments.
Well I have siblings but not I am not a fraternal twin. So I really don’t know what that is like too much. I have had twin friends before and I didn’t realize that I was constantly comparing them. I even call them a now cringe-worthy thing “The _______ twins” and not by their actual names. Thanks for the incite about your world with your sister. I wish I had knew this earlier in my life. I see now that it is quite harmful to be constantly compared to your sister.
Oh I wouldn’t beat yourself up about that, Bree! My family calls Annie and I “the twins” all the time, and I’ve never thought much of it, except that it’s an easier/shorter way to refer to both of us (though I of course can’t speak for all twins on this issue). It’s more the weird comparative comments that I find to be frustrating, and the constant sense that I’m having to perform my twinness for other people.