I am currently in the homestretch of a personally mandated month of abstinence from alcohol. Today is day 26, and 26 days is the longest I have gone without drinking in ten years, literally.

I’m not sure what I was expecting to gain during this period of abstinence besides no hangovers, but at the very least I was hoping to get some new insight to what drinking meant to me, and what position it has in my life.

I manage a bar, and my boyfriend is a stand up comic, so most of my days are filled with social situations where drinking is not only acceptable, but encouraged. I brew beer on the weekends and create cocktail menus for every season. Drinking is my hobby, my crutch, and my tradition, it seems.

I haven’t entirely answered all my questions about what drinking means to me and the role it plays in my life, but, I’ve realized that I spend more time with myself when I’m not drinking; the good, the bad, the boring, and all the 7 deadly sins. I’ve realized that without this chemical clarity, I leave no room for genuine growth, interaction, or sentiment.

So the next time I drink I will remember that the most important sober discovery I’ve made is that I can still discover things about myself…. and I will cheers to that.