It’s pretty standard, that the first time I do anything new, I have a panic attack.

I don’t remember the first panic attack I ever had, but I do remember the first time I recognized what I was having was a panic attack. It was my first time around a group of new people and I knew that I would have to be working with these people as a team and so far I was not impressing any of them. During break I went into a bathroom stall, locked myself in and had a complete and total breakdown. The walls felt like they were crushing me and I couldn’t catch my breath. All of a sudden it hit me that I was having a panic attack. 5-10 minutes later I was able to talk myself down, pick myself off the bathroom floor and return to the group.

Somehow for me knowing that what I’m experiencing is a panic attack seems to help me keep them at bay. My anxiety is not treated by medicine, and because of this I struggled to accept what I was experiencing as valid or real. I could relate to Petey from the film “Of Two Minds” because he knew that he had an issue yet he was choosing not to seek professional help. He says something along the lines of “Everyone goes through shit at some point.” In a lot of ways anxiety is painful and hard to overcome but also I don’t feel like I have experienced anxiety at any level where I am a danger to myself. And it seems like now that I know what it is I can spot when an attack is coming up and I can take different steps to prevent it from becoming a full blown thing. Others who struggle with mental health walk the fine line between seeking help and not. For some people it can be life and death while others don’t feel the need to seek treatment. It’s important to be in touch with yourself, such as knowing whether or not you need help, but it’s also important to be realistic. Listening to others around me really helps me gauge my behaviors that I may not be picking up on.