Disability is an interesting subject when one gets truly down to it. What is considered a disability and what is not also varies. Mental disabilities, physical disabilities, these are both types, but what about when there is a confluence of two of three types all at once?
I call that, when I am referring to my own situation, being trans.
I have anxiety, I have depression. Those are the primary two mental disorders that I have. They make life harder, making me have a huge hard time telling people when I am depressed or anxious, instead believing that I must keep it all quiet and that it isn’t that important.
I don’t have any form of diagnosed physical handicaps. Just knees that lock up when I go upstairs too long (from the quad to the top of the UC for example is fine. Past that, it hurts and is slow going), and back pains in my lower back when I have walked too far.
Combine that with what is diagnosed as Gender Identity Disorder, or GID, when I first came out in 2012, and you have a rather terrible compilation of things and situations which make the body a place of chaos.
The body is a site of all of our lives, of all of ourselves. What does it mean when the only way to feel comfortable in your own skin requires too much to reasonably handle and acquire? It means being who I am, who I strive to be, and slowly get to the point where I will one day be comfortable in my skin.
Chaos is a great word for what my body is experiencing. I also have depression and anxiety (I used to have bad panic attacks as well but haven’t had one in over a year now). But I also have chronic pain that makes depression & anxiety so much more complicated. I have to sit down and try to figure out if I didn’t get out of bed because I was hurting or because my depression is flaring. Wishing you well!