When most people think of disabled bodies, they think of people with visible, physical disabilities. Few people understand, or even believe in the existence of invisible disabilities. In my case, I am not disabled, physically or mentally, until stress enters my life. Then things change. My friends joke around, saying that I stress too much or I worry too much or that I need to be stressed in order to succeed. While there is some truth to that, I have a hard time hearing them say these things, because I do not CHOOSE to be constantly stressed. Sometimes I feel as though it is something I cannot control. It may seem like I am over exaggerating… which is what people usually tell me, but I do not think I am. Stress becomes a part of me that I do not enjoy.
Stress has caused me to stress eat, gain and lose weight. It has caused me to have many nights where I lay in bed wide awake but do not fall asleep for HOURS because all the things I am stressed about run through my mind. Stress has made me sick, on numerous occasions. I have gotten my period late, or missed my period many times because of stress. My emotions have intensified due to stress. When I am mad, I am very mad, when I am sad, I am very sad. I act silly/goofy at times in an attempt to hide my stress and worries… and it works, until I am alone with my thoughts, and then the stress kicks in again. Stress has caused me to be so ridiculously exhausted from stressing too much, that getting out of bed feels like the struggle of a lifetime… any task seems difficult.
My doctor has told me many times that I need to control my stress levels because it could result in high blood pressure. But it is not something I can control. My doctor has told me to control my eating habits when I stress eat. But that is something I cannot control either.
Time, money, deadlines, assignments, reality, family, weight, health, the future… the list could go on forever.
Stress is not understood as a disability, but rather a mental state. However, my disability is stress. It affects everything I do.
Unruly Bodies 
Stress is probably my number problem when I’m in school. I love college and I love learning, but figuring out how to enjoy college and separate that from the side effects of stress is really hard. I’ve had blood pressure so high I see black, I’ve had my hair fall out, and I’ve had stomach ulcers all from stress. Learning how to manage it is hard.
I can relate to your blog post a lot. Stress has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t until college that I realized how it really hinder me and my life. Stress can do really weird and crazy things to the body. Just this semester alone I developed a constant eye twitch for a month, had no appetite, been sick at least three times, lost 15 pounds in a month and a half, had my sleeping habits all over the place, and my body would just shut down when the stress got to be too much. How can people manage their stress, like your doctor told you, if stress is affecting everything about them? I think in society if you aren’t stressed then you are seen as not working hard enough. Which is ridiculous because you are putting your health, body, and mind at risk.
I think stress isn’t taken seriously enough as a health problem. It’s used as this kind of catch-all excuse, and we’re not suppose to question why it’s so prevalent. Extreme, disabling forms of stress like what you experience is becoming the norm. But we have to look at the societal reasons that encourage people to live stressful lives, or that minimize its impact.
You’re not alone. Sometimes when I get stressed beyond belief, I can feel my heart struggle to continue a normal pulse and wonder if today is the day that it will give out altogether. I don’t think my family understands. When I talk to my mother, I only get interrupted with stories of how her life was when she was my age. However, I’ve found that a few of my friends have been there too. It’s always nice to have support when you feel like you’re falling apart.
To add to what others are reinforcing, it is true, you are not alone. Stress is a powerful element in our lives and we are not super people. A lot of the time if we can suppress the visual angle of stress, we will as to not worry others. This does not erase it at all and we find that in the midst of covering up, we some how accumulate even more stress… If not properly managed (and who really knows how to manage it for themselves?), it can get to be too much and we may find ourselves being torn apart on the inside, as well as out. Thanks again for sharing this, great post.
“In my case, I am not disabled, physically or mentally, until stress enters my life.”
I think a lot of cases, prolonged stress is what leads to/magnifies mental illness, so it is extremely relevant that you wrote about the effects of stress. I personally think that’s why I have never met another queer person without mental illness, because living life as an queer person in a society that degrades them is highly stressful.
But despite stress, I personally have been able to overcome a lot of the effects in my life recently, by limiting the amount of time I fixate on negative issues. I meditate in order to train my mind to detach from these thoughts and I listen to a lot of talks about self love, living in the present moment, etc.
such as this: http://www.tarabrach.com/learning-to-respond-not-react-audio-2/
I also use this program called SuperBetter https://www.superbetter.com/
It encourages me to take care of myself and has taught me many techniques to overcome tough situations.
I know that these programs may not be of interest to everyone but it has helped me reduce stress and I feel much more healthy: physically, mentally and socially.
Looking at all of the comments on this post in support of everything you said strengthens just how serious of a problem this is. It is scary to tell teachers that you literally cannot keep up because you have too much than your own body will allow you to handle, because this is a problem that is not tangible. No one can sign off on when you’re too stressed out. Alas, this makes things even more stressful..