Being bigger is not easy, as anyone who is can tell you. From a bit of chub to full on large, people have a hard time dealing with it. Larger women are more often seen as either repulsive or sexually intriguing, while larger men are seen as pals, buddies, men who know how to live. The gendered standards for both are so simple and terrible.

I wish I had that luxury.

I am a transgender mostly-woman, and I am a bit chubby. Some may even say fat. I destroyed a pair of pants purely with my thighs. But, to most people, I am just a fat guy. Everything about me screams male from my face to my body to my clothing, and that sucks. But, add on how society says that trans women have to sexually intriguing and have to be thin and beautiful and feminine, and I count for none of that.

Low self-esteem is rampant in my life, and at this point, the fact that I usually like how I look is amazing to me. But, it takes a heavy toll to think someone like myself is beautiful, since I rarely do. I have to deal with societal norms for bodies, for fat bodies, for female bodies, for male bodies, for all of the bodies, all at the same time, and not drown under that mass. (No pun intended)

But, most days, I can look in a mirror and think I am okay. That I look fine, that my body is fine, that I am fine. Ad shouldn’t that be everyone’s goal; to be okay with themselves?