I felt like I needed “Warning: Fat Girl Working Out” on a t-shirt when I started working out at my new gym.I stood outside the gym door going back and forth about whether or not I should go through with my workout plan. I have always had insecurities about my weight. I was overweight the majority of my life and have dealt with it day by day, but it wasn’t until I studied abroad in the United Kingdom that I really noticed how “big” I was. I had gone back and forth about going to the gym weeks in advance. I was already here so why not walk into the gym, what is the worst that could happen?
There is nothing like going to a different country to notice how much you stand out to other people. When I first got to the United Kingdom the first obvious difference from the other people who lived there compared to me was my American accent. As soon as I talked people immediately knew I did not belong in the UK. The second thing that separated me from other people was my size. I have always worried about fitting into bus seats or plane seats, and was pleasantly surprised when I found I was able to fit into every seat comfortably. It was not until I got to the school I was studying abroad at that I noticed how different I looked to everyone else.
My school in the UK had a primarily athletic student body. I was able to fit in the bus seat, but the other students had a lot more room in their seats. Everywhere I went I noticed I was the biggest person in the room. I knew my weight just fit the stereotypical idea that Americans are bigger than other people and I hated that I was feeding into that stereotype.
At home, I went to the gym without any problems, but in the UK I was afraid of the ridicule I might get for entering the gym. My body image was making me really depressed and I decided I needed to do something about it. As I was pacing back and forth about walking into the gym I thought to myself, “fuck it.” I might be the biggest person in the gym but at least I’m there working on myself trying to lose weight. There were so many athletes at the gym which automatically made me feel insecure myself, but I just kept telling myself to focus on myself and the workout.
Once I got over that first anxiety filled trip, every trip to the gym after that was a breeze. It can be extremely intimidating to go to the gym, but I learned the best way to get through it, is to tell yourself over and over to not give a shit what other people think about you. You can’t let other people dictate your life. You only have one life and I refuse to let anyone have control over it.
Unruly Bodies 
It is very impressive that you overcame your anxiety about the gym. Your body, like all bodies, is worthy of respect and you should be able to enter a building to workout if you want to. It is very interesting that people in the UK have different body types. It is interesting to think about how that came about, how bodies in a different part of the world are different because of food politics and other social norms.
Thanks for sharing it is so important to love yourself just as you are. if you decide to go to the gym and workout let it be between you and your body. we as American allow other countries to dictate what our bodies should look like the one thing that i have learned in life is you must love who you are . if you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything. you don’t ever have to be who someone says that you are. love your body whether it is big or small . we all have different bodies and i think it is great that we all don’t look the same. i don’t want to go to a gym if they don’t have over weight people. I don’t watch exercise work-out tapes if they don’t have over weight people in it. Let’s get real.
Sometimes, saying “fuck it” and just doing the thing is an extremely important first step. It’s one that I’m constantly afraid of taking and I’m high-fiving you with my mind extensively. You freakin’ go, friend!
Also, if “warning: fat girl working out” shirts ever become a thing, I might just neeeeeeeed one for my own gym-going purposes.
I think the double standards that we place on larger bodies are ridiculous. Our culture believes that if you’re larger you should go to the gym. However, when at the gym nothing is designed for larger bodies. It’s like you’re supposed to be here but you’re also not. Well screw them. I think that the only reason you should go to the gym is to feel healthy, regardless of whether or not you want to lose weight. Also, if you feel healthy not going to the gym, then screw the gym too.
U sound exactly like me… I hoover outside gym doors to try figure out if I think there is anyone inside that might judge me… 😥