Our class discussion regarding nature and its many forms caused me to question my own understandings of how to define nature. I suppose I never really considered that nature can take on varying forms, and the concept of nature can exist on a spectrum ranging from wild to manicured. The process of shaping, trimming, and taming nature – that constitutes the action of manicuring – is fueled by an inadvertent need to control.

I’ve noticed that control has been a reoccurring theme throughout the readings we’ve read thus far. Control has largely been mentioned as an influence towards our decisions to either engage or not, in particular practices or projects regarding our bodies. In regards to nature, I used the concept of control to attempt to understand the reasons behind my personal relationship with nature.

I am very attracted to wild nature – nature in its prime (by my standards). To further explain the courtship between nature and myself, I present to you a visual: you are walking in the woods, on a pleasant path, sculpted to make your navigation through the words easier. Now, pan your viewing frame to your left, approximately forty-five degrees – no, wait, that’s a little to far – go back just a smidge – ah, there I am. Yup, that is in fact me over there, attempting to climb my way along the river, paving my own path across the very wobbly, unstable rocks.

You wonder to yourself – What the hell is this bitch thinking? Is she crazy? There’s like a perfectly good path right here. I’m actually not thinking about much besides how much freaking fun I’m having, shown by my dumbass grin with teeth (which is very rare for me). I’ve finally caught up to you after my long, unnecessary (for some people) detour. However, I’ve just noticed that a giant tree trunk has fallen – probably from that bad storm we had a few days earlier – and has created a bridge across the river below. I start running in that direction because I’m going to (attempt to) walk across this “cool new tree bridge”. You roll your eyes and follow in the direction I sprinted – mainly to shorten the time between my inevitable injury and your call for help.

Now that you have somewhat experienced what it’s like to go on a hike with me, I’m going to try to relate my love for wild nature to this reoccurring theme of control. I’ve only brushed the surface of this particular topic, but I think my kinship with wild nature is rooted in the belief that it is (relatively) unregulated by humans. I’m attracted to the lack of societal control. In considering this attraction, I think it’s influenced by the fact that my body and behavior are essentially controlled – either intentionally or unintentionally – throughout almost all aspects of my life.

Being and considering myself female, I am often rebelling – either directly or indirectly – against social control over my body and other female bodies that step outside the constraining box of the westernized, ideal woman. When I take the time to think about how much society is trying to control my body, instead of being immune to it, I get rather exhausted. My mind is undergoing a constant tennis match between society’s expectations of me and my expectations of me.

I think my relationship with wild nature is a way for me to take a (unfortunately) short break from society’s control over me – a way to, in a sense, organically connect with my own view of my body instead of society’s view of what my body is supposed to be.