As I sit here trying to think of a topic to write this last blog on, I can’t help but reflect on how the semester went in this class. As I think about all the theories that were explored, new opinions, debates, and perspectives that I encountered, I found that I learned a lot, not necessarily from reading the readings, but rather from the class discussion and from my fellow classmates’ interpretations. But I also realized that compared to many of my peers, I did not actively participate in the classroom discussions. So I decided to write my final blog on my “quietness” in classes.
The western world has always placed an emphasis on being extrovert or having extroverted qualities. This has gotten to the point of where being introverted or showcasing introverted qualities/behaviors is not ideal and seen as a problem or hindrance to your future potential. So many times I have heard the words “she’ll come out of her shell”, or “she’ll grow out of it” or my most favorite, “You just need to learn to speak up a little more”. These phrases give the impression that a person is not a “real” or a complete adult unless they “grow out” of their shyness and quietness. And it’s hard to break away from this when everything in our society encourages outgoingness and public speaking.
Throughout high school and many classes in college I have been graded on my ability to participate in class discussion or to be an active person (usually by speaking) in the class. Anyone that knows me well knows that I have had trouble with this and tend to either ignore the participation potion of my grade or struggle to build up the ability to speak and get the points. I am a quiet person and here area few reasons why:
- I am a shy person. I rather stay in my comfort zone. I grew up with the ideal of kids (especially girls) should be seen and not heard, and I think that has influence my behavior greatly.
- But it’s not just my mind that is telling my that I’m quiet, but my body as well. It takes me a while to get comfortable in classes in order to not be nervous to
talk. I get nervous really fast! Any type of oral presentation in front of a class, I assure you I will be shaking in my boots! Like really, I get all the reactions: intense feelings of anxiety, nervousness, trembling, sweating, dizziness,
and increate heartbeat (to the point where I think everyone else is hearing it too). - I consider myself not necessarily an introvert, but I have some introvert qualities. Meaning I like and enjoy activities that do not require me to come out of my comfort zone.
- I am reflective. I love to listen to others speak, listen to their perspective and reflect on the lesson taught
- In simple words, I prefer to sit and listen.
- I think in many respects I am a background person. And I’m perfectly okay with that.
But because of society demands of public speaking (I think in most jobs, there will be a requirement of some extend of public speaking), individuals like me, who experience such anxiety, have to learn how to adapt and cope. Usually people try to get over their anxiety with the self help tips from the internet. You know the ones that say have a nice big breakfast beforehand, goodnight sleep, practice beforehand, or even imagine everyone in their underwear. These don’t work. At least for me anyway.
My method of adapting is that of a mask. A different me. My mask is one that is not too anxious. One that is braver, bolder, and more outgoing than myself. But of course this doesn’t always work. I guess I just fall back into the shy me that is quiet. And that’s totally okay for me. It’s what makes me comfortable.
Unruly Bodies 
I always really struggle against assuming that people who dont speak up don’t care; just becasue my experience has been so different. I have a lot of trouble when i dont feel useful or important & when i find myself in situations like that, my mental health tends to decline. This problem compounds, my mental health makes it harder to get out there & assert myself, & the fact that im not out there makes my mental health worse. I usually have to think outside the box to get out of this loop; for example, last summer the way i got out was vollunteering from home for trans lifeline, something that could make me feel useful but accommodated my mental health & allowed me to take breaks whenever I needed. So, I try to encourage others to put themselves out there through whatever means is best suited to them! –But I am really glad to see a post like this that elaborates a monologue/dialogue that once was hidden.
It really resonated with me when you said, “I think in many respects I am a background person. And I’m perfectly okay with that.” I didn’t talk a lot in class either because I felt like other people were already saying what I felt or by the time I got to form a thought in my head the topic had changed and I felt weird raising my hand. I also feel like I just like to listen and be kind of in the background too. I enjoy observing and listening and I think thats okay. I always get nervous that people take it as a sign of disinterest but I’m glad to know there’re others like me lol. Thanks for your post!
I know I fall under the same roof of those who do not speak much in class. Specifically, for this class I did not speak at all. It was not that I did not care about the topics being discussed or anything like that, but more of a fear that I may say something wrong or offensive. This was my first time, ever, taking a class like GWST and so I was exposed to a lot of new information and views that I never thought of before. So due to that, I was more of in a “just shut up and listen” mode rather than engaging in discussions.