I started experiencing my pain while bowling, a sport that I enjoy and do weekly. While I am in pain I am thinking about how I look. Am I hunching over? Am I walking funny? Should I not have my hand on my back? All these questions run through my head even while being uncomfortable.
Another thing I have noticed is having to justify my pain to other people, even when they don’t ask me to. Feeling pain, especially back pain, as a 21 year old makes me feel as if everyone’s eyes are on me. To get this idea out of my head I joke about how I feel “so old.” Feeling pain is apart of being human. Why do I feel the need to justify my pain to others? Is it to make them feel better, or to make myself feel more normal? One Webtoon comic I have been reading has a character who can sense people’s pain, he explains he can sense when people are nearby because we are always feeling some sort of pain. Whether it be a stubbed toe or a hang nail.
I feel as though, for me, this falls within the same trope of not being able to be tired because “you’re too young.” I feel bad for expressing my pain to older people and awkward expressing my pain to people my age or younger, that I am defective and am not just feeling something normal for the human body.
Feeling pain in public adds layers of complexity and emotions that shouldn’t be attached to pain. My pain does not need to be hidden nor should I be “policed” on if I am allowed to feel pain because of my age. Yet, both of these things still happen because of how bodies are viewed and understood in public.
Unruly Bodies 
I feel where you are coming from. I struggle with a bad back and two bad knees. It’s not easy to get through every day and some nights simply require a heating pad. That is okay. You are doing what you need to do for you. You are the only one that has to experience your body and no one else can tell you how you feel. It is important, I think, to talk about these things, for a few reasons. One, normalize it. Two, just because someone else is in pain, or even more pain than you are, doesn’t make yours less valid. Three, you are human. You are going to experience aches and pains and that’s how you know you’re still alive and kicking (range of motion negotiable). Don’t put yourself down. Just focus on what you need to do for you and what will help you feel better.
I really appreciate you sharing this. As someone who also deals with chronic pain, and has a partner with fibromyalgia – I can really empathize with you. Body pain is not something that people really have a strong understanding of, especially in the context of educational and professional environments. Folks assume that unless they can see something with their eyes, it is not real/a valid concern. Chronic pain is often not just a source of physical limitation, but also a real physical disability. Like you said – there is so much judgement and a level of justification and explanation that people often expect, which adds a whole other layer of emotional labor and frustration. At the end of the day, you are right in that our pain is not for others to police or try to regulate.