For as long as I can remember, I’ve always used pads when I had my period. I was NEVER able to get a tampon in– it was uncomfortable, hard to insert because of the shape of my vagina, and just–not something I was socialized to use, I guess. When I was 11 and had my first period, I was traumatized and in so much pain. I never knew really before then about hygiene related to periods. My Mom told me I wasn’t old enough to use tampons yet–so she bought me pads and explained how to use them, how often to change them, etc. I remember asking when I could use a tampon, but I don’t remember the response.
Now at 23, I’ve never used tampons regularly. Only if it was an emergency, and that was a whole process in the bathroom! But, whew, there have been times where I felt so shamed and weird when others would say, “OH. MY. GOD. You still use pads?” I remember my face getting hot and just being like, “Yeah…?” People would question my choice on how to keep myself “clean” when I menstruate saying, “Oh, are you too tight? Haha, tampons are better, and cleaner. You’re just not putting it in right.” Over time, I’ve just ignored that rhetoric about what people think I should be using because of the shame associated with their words, and lack of understanding. Some hold the stereotype that pads are juvenile, and tampons are for ‘grown women.’ But it still gets to me sometimes. This past summer, I went to the beach with my friend (who has always used tampons). I started my period and I wanted to be able to swim, so I reluctantly asked her at the age of 23 to help me put it in. She spent a good amount of time with me in the bathroom, literally watching me put it in–she even attempted to insert it for me. But, there was no luck. In the end she was like, “Wow, I see what you mean now. I’m sorry this doesn’t work for you.”
Out of all ways people with uteruses have been controlled related to their reproductive organs and health, this is another way I feel the patriarchal system has perpetuated how we should respond to menstruation and uteruses–the use of tampons. The idea of a phallic object being put in a vagina to control and catch bleeding doesn’t sit right with me, especially it being designed by a male doctor (Dr. Earl Haas in 1860). When the topic of reproductive labor was brought up, and I was reminded of my own shame surrounding my uterus, menstruation, and vagina. Especially with the aspect of men using women’s bodies for scientific purposes, and shaping the way we experience them through what they prescribe for people with uteruses.
People with periods should be able to use whatever they want if/when they menstruate. That includes using pads, tampons, diva cups, and doing free bleeding without a negative stereotype being attached to whatever method they choose. One’s reproductive organs are personal, and the what people decided to do with them and their health surrounding that is a personal experience and choice! Hopefully, one day we can stop shaming one another for what hygiene product they use for periods, and other choices related to reproductive autonomy and experiences.
Unruly Bodies 
Great read ! I definitely stand with the fact that everyone has a choice on what they want to use. I use pads too and I dont think im ashamed 🙂
So true! I share a similar story to you, as I transitioned to tampons pretty recently. I never disclosed what hygiene products I used, but I heard the disgust that peers had when people were “exposed” for wearing pads instead of tampons. How have we still not gotten past the stigma around periods when sooooo many people menstruate? And why do so many people love policing what others do with their bodies, especially when it comes to menstruating? Things come out of bodies all the time, and we shouldn’t feel ashamed of any of it, especially when it comes to periods.
I really like this post! I think it’s so odd how people, even those who menstruate, shame others for their choice in hygiene products. It’s no one else’s business, and I’ll never understand why people feel the need to comment on other people’s personal choices. My introduction to menstruation was actually the opposite of yours in that I grew up in a house with people who only used tampons, so when my period came that was all I had to use. However, in a group of eighth grade girls, I remember being the only one using tampons and feeling ashamed. The students at my middle school had a misconception that only “sluts” used tampons. It was something I kept to myself until I got older and the opinions of those around me matured. I think our contrasting experiences serve as evidence that no matter what people with uteruses do, there will always be people who judge.
I felt this post in my soul! Sharing my own experiences, when my friends ask me which I use and I tell them I solely use pads, they look at me crazy or always ask me “why?” when tampons exist. I then tell them my encounter with first using a tampon, where I was by myself, trying to figure it out and ended up passing out on the bathroom floor. At that time, I was too scared to ask for help from my mom/sisters. I thought people just figured it out for themselves overtime and that something was wrong with me. Then, one random day, my sisters and I were talking about pads and tampons. One of them revealed that they had asked the other years before, to help insert a tampon. I immediately felt stupid for thinking I had to do it on my own. To this day, I still use pads and honestly just give attitude to whoever is questioning my life choices because after all, we’re all different and it all works. It’s just about what one likes the best!
I am also in the same boat. I have never regularly used tampons. They were always an option for me if I wanted to, my mom never said I couldn’t, but I always continued to use pads. Tampons were uncomfortable for me, I could never insert it right and I could always feel them in a way that made me uncomfortable.
I got to that age when people start to question why I still used pads. They mentioned how it made them feel like they were wearing a diaper. I still get that sentiment sometimes. I was questioned with whether I have had sex yet and that when I did it should be easier and more comfortable. (Honestly can we also talk about how it is taboo to talk about sex). Even after I had sex it still was not the best. My sister pushes the cup on me. I like my pads. Why is it anyone else’s business honestly? Even more, why does it matter? It is my body and I agree with you that we should be able to regulate our periods on our own terms.
I’m so sorry that people shamed you for using pads. Menstrual products as a topic of conversation are so often laced with judgement from all directions. I have friends who have been told by religious and conservative family that they’re not allowed to use tampons because it would be taking away their virginity and break their hymens… I use a diva cup now but I remember in middle school (maybe 7th grade, I think) trying for over 2 hours to fit a tampon in so I wouldn’t be embarrassed when changing clothes in the locker room. And if I ever left (clean, unused!) tampons or pads in the bathroom, my mother would get so upset at me and tell me about how my father shouldn’t have to see that. I still don’t understand because it’s a fact of life. If clean toilet paper doesn’t gross someone out, why should clean menstrual products?
I am not a tampon user, I will never be a tampon user and hopefully soon I’ll stop being a period-haver. I hate tampons with a burning passion but I have never thought of them in the context of their shape before reading this post. Like it is so weird who I have never noticed the phallicness of a tampon nor have I thought about the implication of it being a tool to control periods. It puts a whole new bullet point on my list of why tampons are terrible. Thank you for this post and for sharing something that has been a topic of shame in your life.
I really appreciate you for sharing your experience with tampons and pads. I’m 22 and I’ve never used a tampon in my life. I remember trying when I was like 11 because I wanted to swim with my family, but it was impossible. I had no idea what I was doing, it hurt, and I got so frustrated I started crying. I never tried to use one again since then. I’ve always had issues with penetration in any context (my first pap smear last year was horrific). I also struggle with the shame around using pads. I’ve internalized attitudes towards them that portray them as juvenile and unhygienic. Over the past year, I’ve realize I experience symptoms of vaginismus, which is a condition where vaginal muscles tighten and make it either very painful or impossible to insert anything. There can be medical causes but it’s most often a result of anxiety about penetration or genitals in general. It’s been hard to come to terms with the fact that my own anxiety is preventing me from using tampons or even having penetrative sex. I’ve also been trying to unpack my feelings around not being able to be penetrated. Why do I feel like I’m dysfunctional or a failure. I often wonder why I put so much value in being penetrated. I do think, like you brought up, that it obviously has some connection to the patriarchal ideal that vaginas are empty vessels meant to be filled by penises or other objects. However, I’m trying to unlearn this idea and instead, especially as a queer person, emphasize that sex is not defined by penetration and that I can have a healthy, pleasurable sex life without it. I’m trying to shake the feelings of letting sexual partners down when I explain that I can’t be penetrated. I think that as someone who grew up in a Christian family, my mother never had conversations with me about vaginal health or sex and I just grew up with an extreme fear of my vagina. It hasn’t been until over the past year that I’ve really been trying to take the time to become comfortable and exploratory with my body. Although I’ve always used pads and I don’t shame anyone for their menstrual product choices, I did recently try a menstrual cup. Again, I couldn’t get it in and the feelings of being dysfunctional and inadequate came back up. I do plan on trying again just because I personally am tired of using pads and really don’t want to have to continue using them. I can’t tell you if you have vaginismus too, but I can say that for me personally, taking time to be alone and focus on relaxing has helped a lot. I used to not be able to get anything in and over the past few months, I’ve gone from one finger to almost two and then recently a vibrator. So in short, you’re not alone <3. Changing my goal from "I need to be able to be penetrated to have sex and use tampons" to "I want to be as familiar with my body as possible so I can give it the pleasure it deserves and be as comfortable during my period as I want" has made the process of overcoming my vaginismus much less terrifying. It takes time and a lot of patience, but I'm optimistic about being able to get to the level of comfort I want to be at, not for anyone else but for myself.
Thanks for sharing your story. A lot of us can relate to your story. I was never a tampon user. When I was growing up, my wicked stepmother would not buy them for my sisters and me. When I left home to attend college in another state, my roommate let me try using one. I didn’t know how to insert it and whenever I did put it in, it felt uncomfortable. An individual should feel comfortable using whatever type of menstrual products she desires.