Driving is more than a form of transportation; to me, it is often a time to become fully enveloped in my thoughts and feelings. Being alone, in control of where I’m going, and with no outside distractions is extremely freeing.
I break driving into three distinct modes: traffic/normal, yuck; mild traffic, very brain intensive and not a lot of room for outside thought; cruising, let the thought and feelings roll. The mild traffic mode is where I use my knowledge of my vehicle, the roads around me, and predictability of human behavior to anticipate the quickest lane. It’s a chance for me to test how smart I think I am; sort of a me vs. the world challenge. Cruising mode often happens in mid-afternoon or late night, it can be on familiar backroads or unexplored highways; this mode is where the progress happens.
I use driving as a form of therapy; it’s one of the only times where I feel fully removed from all the stressors around me and am able to truly check in with myself. I often begin with some slow, introspective music and then turn it down/tone it out over time. Soon, the only things occupying my head are the background tasks of controlling my vehicle and all the things I’ve been going through recently.
Last night was the first time that I’ve had a truly introspective drive in a while. I left UMBC around 10:30pm and returned at 8:15am. Nearly ten hours, 537 miles; full of countless moments of hurt, healing, progress, boundary setting, and goal setting. The process is different every time; sometimes I have a place that interests me and start driving there, other times I just drive. Last night I drove into West Virginia, then up into Pennsylvania. Around 3:30am I rolled into my new favorite spot, a well-lit and easily accessible scenic overlook with a beautiful view of the Pittsburgh skyline.
Recently, there’s been a lot going on in my life. Stuff that I’ve felt like I haven’t had the capacity to dive into; so, I compartmentalized and went on with daily life, knowing it would need unpacked at some point. Last night I was able to unpack all of my full compartments; taking time, techniques I’ve learned in therapy and through reading, and by making goals/boundaries for the future. After doing some research, I’ve found that there are many others like me and a few studies showing how driving can provoke thought and give a sense of control. People are often shocked or judge that I “just drive”, over time that builds up and causes self-doubt. These articles and quotes from other make me feel less alone in my ways and more comfortable with what I do.
I realize that I am extremely fortunate to be able to use driving as a therapeutic activity. For many thinking of driving brings anxiousness, nervousness, dread, and stress; I find extremely freeing. The worry and fear that one day I won’t have the same feelings about it, the ability to, or the means to drive is one that often comes up. But, for now, I enjoy my privilege and let the miles tick by.
Articles mentioned:
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/07/160726094826.htm
https://www.menshealth.com/trending-news/a19537830/take-a-long-drive-by-yourself/
https://thriveglobal.com/stories/5-reasons-going-for-a-leisurely-drive-can-reduce-stress/
Unruly Bodies 
This post made me smile because driving is also very therapeutic for me and honestly sometimes very gender affirming. I like how I feel when I drive. I feel confident and in control and dominant and also just cool because I can kinda lean back and whip my truck around with one hand lol. Sometimes my drives are super high energy, I blast my music and sing as loud as I want. The best ones are in the summer when I can have my windows down and my hand out the window and I can feel the air and sun on my face. But I also have more introspective drives. You never know what you’re gonna be thinking about when you start a drive so it’s always interesting to see where my mind goes. Sometimes I’ll notice that I’ve been having car thoughts about the same thing for a while and so I’ll try to think about why certain things keep coming up for me. I’ve never just gone out for a drive though, gas for my car is too expensive and it has over 280,000 miles so I try to be gentle with her, but reading this really makes me want to try it. When I think about the fact that I’ll need to get a new car soon it actually makes me really sad. This car is my first car and I’ve had it for I think at least four years and we’ve been through so much together. I have a strong emotional attachment to it because it holds some of my favorite, most emotional and most intense memories. I’ll probably get her tattooed. But thank you for this reminder that I need to take a drive soon that isn’t just to work.
I’m similar with driving. I really enjoy it, for the most part, and find it to be very freeing. I would be lying if I said I was not envious of your serendipitous excursion; I have yet to cover that much distance in ten-ish hours for no real “reason,” but I often crave to do so. It really fucking sucks not having access to a car most of the time. Driving, listening to music, going somewhere new or fun: these are the main necessary components for a great day. It also helps me remember that I am alive, if that makes sense. When I was most depressed, (mid-2017 to mid-2018) I would often roll down the windows on the highway to let in the freezing winter wind into the car to give me the physical energizing sensation that the cold brought. That, combined with loud music that expressed the hopelessness and pain I was feeling, would make me feel even a little bit better, and serve as a reminder that I was alive, even if I sure as hell didn’t feel like I was.
I enjoyed reading your about post about driving. There is nothing wrong with using driving as a form of therapy. Whenever I am feeling stressed and have a lot on my mind, it is nothing for me to fill my car up with gas and take a long drive. During the long drive, I often find myself listening to jazz music or meditating. After an hour or two, I am in a better frame of mind and I head back home leaving my frustrations and anxieties on the side of the road.
I love this post. I can relate completely. The moment your in the drivers seat you’re in complete control, you get to test your knowledge or anticipation about what others will do–it’s really interesting how some of us think about it and what our motives are for taking long drives and what it means to us. After reading your post, I started to think about how nice it would be to just drive somewhere, anywhere. It makes you feel worldly in a way. Like, “I can just pick up everything and go…right now” Seeing that theres a world outside of our bubbles is DEFINITELY freeing, and makes you think about life differently for however long. Especially during the pandemic, it’s nice to get away from your usual space, or routine and to disconnect for a little bit.
I have never felt this way about driving myself. I’m not scared of driving, I drive 30 miles highway one way at least once a week to go home for the weekends. I do not enjoy driving though. I much rather be sitting in the passenger seat. Maybe it is about options, I can choose not to pay attention to the road, if there is traffic while I’m driving I still have to remain attentive. If I’m in the passenger seat, I can be on my phone. My reflexes are also not the best so I have adapted a way of always trying to interpret what those around me will do next. The farthest I have driven would be to Hershey and I got pulled over. I’m glad you have this as an amazing coping mechanism, its interesting to think about how different it is for everyone.
I really enjoy this post! I used to LOVE driving and definitely found it freeing. Mainly for the aspect that now I am independent and can go places that I’ve always wanted to go. However, now I am one of the people that finds great anxiety in driving. If I am alone, I am usually really tense and having to constant rub on my arm or something to keep my breathing at bay. It’s interesting because I have found my anxiety be the same with certain people in the car with me or extremely better with others. I remember last year I drove from Florida to Maryland in a day and it didn’t feel like a lot, but now when I drive two hours home it feels like an eternity. I think this is all due to generally higher stress levels and my car has also gone through a lot recently (it broke down and I got into an accident all within a few weeks). What has been your favorite place to drive to? I haven’t explored much of Pittsburg so I find it really cool that this form of therapy for you, allows you to explore new areas.
This post is so relatable. Something about driving with no destination is so relaxing and free. I love driving with the music up and the windows down just vibing with the music and feeling like everything is okay. Its so therapeutic when you have the music loud and the wind blowing through your hair while you scream at the top of your lungs just to let off some steam from a stressful day. I wish I can drive with no destination but the way my parents are set up, I can’t really do that:(. I’m not really scared of driving because when we had class in person I had to drive at least 40 miles each day to class and back home.
I love driving, but I’ve never thought of using it for therapy aside from a “drive around for an hour with the loudest, angriest music I have and scream along until I don’t feel like my brain is going to pop anymore” sort of situation. I have definitely thought about just packing a bag and taking a long, long drive to neighboring states, but it’s always felt more like an escapist fantasy that a legitimate solution. Reading this though makes me feel like theres some legitimacy to those urges, and I might give this method a try in the future!
Driving is scary to me. I find it just stressful trying to compensate for other drivers. I always thought the idea of people saying “people in Maryland don’t know how to drive” is just them generalizing because they live here but I when I got my license I nearly instantly understood what they meant. I’ve never gotten in an accident with me at the wheel but each time I nearly have it hasn’t been my fault.