I found this last blog post to be very difficult to write. I felt like I talked about some of the most important things that I think about in my previous post. So instead of writing about a topic that I’m not very passionate about, I decided that I would just talk about how I am feeling and hope that someone reading this could relate.
I have been really tired lately. The pandemic, school, being at home, politics, etc have been really draining. I usually am pretty tired towards the end of the semester, but this time around I hit a wall at week 8 and wasn’t really able to get over it. Things are just spiraling out of control in the world and it’s very challenging to deal with what I have going on personally and considering what others are going through. Sometimes I think about how bad things are and how I’m struggling with school and not seeing my boyfriend and coping with the dynamics at home, but then I start to feel guilty about me complaining about what I’m going through when it could be a million times worse. I’ve been trying my best to maintain perspective in this whole situation but honestly it has been really difficult for me to think about all the things that I am going through. I can’t really tell if that’s selfish or self care. I just feel like I had such optimism and hope for the future at the beginning of the pandemic but as it continues to unfold, my sunny disposition that has been covering up my worrisome realism is slowly deteriorating. Luckily it seems like a vaccine is on the horizon and things will start to get better. At this point in the pandemic the two words that describe me are emotionally drained. I have been on a rollercoaster that is continuing to fluctuate as time goes on. It has been really challenging to find a way off the ride. I don’t want this post to seem like I’m spiraling or still not thinking about the good things that have happened, but sometimes it’s important to reflect on your emotions. Although I have been feeling very drained, I also feel it’s important for me to try to stay positive as much as possible so my tiredness does not swallow me whole. I am hoping that the ending of the semester and the potential end to this pandemic in sights will help me climb over the wall.
Unruly Bodies 
Thank you for sharing. I’m right there with you on trying to stay positive but also realistic. This is an incredibly challenging time to exist, and just honoring what you’re feeling/having that release has helped me alleviate a bit of my own anxiety. It’s hard not to feel selfish, but the reality is we are all struggling in different ways. Sending you love and warmth. We’re gonna make it. ❤
Oh my goodness thank you so much for sharing this. I relate entirely and am glad to know I am not alone. I hit a wall very early on in the semester that made me want to rethink my entire academic career (those I’m more than half done with college). I was in the middle and emotional crisis and I wanted to just drop out of school which is something I have never considered before this pandemic. I feel like my brain and body are not fit to learn in a world crisis and that I need to take care of my emotional and mental health. But at the end of those thoughts, I think I am being selfish especially when it comes to the money and effort that has been spent on my education by my loved ones and myself. I also feel guilt about those who are having it worse than me even though, I should allow myself to care about my health too, separate form others. It’s a vicious cycle I’m in. But as this semester is rounding out and I am planning to take a full load next semester, I am more optimistic than I was weeks ago. I have a support system that I needed for this crisis and I’m looking up. We can make it through this! Thank you for sharing!
thank you being vulnerable with us. I had a similar feeling about writing the last post–it’s weird to end such a meaningful experience with one last post or one last comment. Being in an emotionally and creatively drained state is completely understandable and valid.
I want to make it known that I admire you for being honest about how you feel in this moment. It’s hard to think about what has happened in the past year, while still holding onto optimism. Even with all of the turmoil we’ve been feeling, seeing, and holding in, there is room for the strength and resilience that we’ve accumulated too. I’m sending you so much warmth and comfort ❤
Yup, this definitely resonates! I for one had a very hard time coming up with a topic for my final blog post. It had to sit and really think on life. I ended up talking about my hair and feelings on that topic. But regardless, yes, things are very demanding and ultimately draining. 2020 was not supposed to go like this. I feel like the pandemic has definitely added on to the stress/es of life and we’re also very restricted, so there’s only so much we can do. One thing I personally plan to do is get a massage and also spend key days to myself, doing what I want to do, which is most likely being lazy. What are things that put you at ease?