I think its interesting that I could feel an oncoming breakdown. I mean of course it is that time in the semester where this isn’t surprising, being overwhelmed with everything we have not done yet and we still have to do in this short period of time. But I think this is the first time I noticed I can tell. I can feel the anxiety in my bones in a way.
I am not even sure if I am making much sense while writing this, but I am sure its something that I cannot be alone in feeling. It was the buildup really. I blame putting off a paper for far too long. Now the presence of it uncompleted on my calendar, the tabs open for research on my laptop, all a looming presence that the semester is about to end and while I have the time I need I just cant seem to make myself sit down to write it.
Everything is accompanied by a physical ache. It’s not constant but always there. If I think about the end of semester reminding me that all too soon I will have a breakdown. I have gotten better at being more self aware, maybe that’s why even though I have undoubtedly felt this before any of my previous breakdowns this time I notice.
What I mean to say is that I am interested in how emotional pain can become pain of the body. Something that is caused completely by your own mind but yet still gives a person physical symptoms. Maybe letting go this time will help me accomplish what I need to? Maybe I will feel lighter after I let go of the weight that I have been carrying for who knows how long?
I guess I will find out soon. This is a great place to talk about it though, thank you for reading.
Unruly Bodies 
Thank you for sharing this. It’s truly incredible how emotional pain and anxiety manifest into physical aches. In times of overwhelming pressure and the anxiousness that accompanies it, I experience this physical discomfort too. Release is important and so is honoring the feelings that are driving the emotional pain. Sending you good vibes and all the warmth.
I feel this so much, thank you for giving this awful feeling such visibility.
Stress hits me so directly and the physical impact is felt throughout multiple systems of my body, Like I get it, body, my brain doesn’t want to be panicking either.
I spent so many years not understanding how direct that connection is and making that connection was so critical in finally making space for myself to take care and be cared for in the ways my brain and body need to make the way I feel less viscerally painful.
In the most literal sense, we have to be gentle to our minds for it to be gentle to our bodies, and I know that is so so hard to do.
Sending love and good energy your way.
I thought this post was really thought-provoking. It is really interesting to think about emotional tolls and turn into physical ones. I have personally experienced times where I felt so emotionally drained that it transitioned into being physically drained. The mind and the consciousness can be a lot more powerful than we often realize and can lead to physical effects. Stress for example can lead to physical issues. I think this idea of the mind affecting the body is an interesting topic that should be talked about more.
I totally related to this. I know I’m having an anxiety attack because I start having physical symptoms from it. This also made me think of how people are discovering more about how the emotional toll of racism takes form in physical aliments with people of color, especially in the black community. They’re reporting things like ulcers and other stress-induced physical conditions. Lots to study here.