TW: Sexual assault
Take my phone away. Just take it. Because every time I lurk on social media, I see something that just irritates my soul. First it was people shamelessly salivating over leaked celebrity nudes, then it was people being ahistorical about beauty standards and body trends. The silver lining is that at least it gives me content to write about, but at what cost…?
On today’s installment of What’s Got Me Pissed Off, I’d like to discuss an uncomfortable (to put it generously) sentiment that I’ve seen creep up within a sector of the male population online in pertinence to dating in today’s cultural climate they’ve aptly named “The #MeToo Era.” It goes something like this, and my exaggeration is actually not that far off from the truth, sadly:
“dating in the #metoo era these days is literal HELL. i cant breathe, blink, or shit around a female without being afraid that she’s gonna think im a creep. and then falsely accuse me of rape or something even though i literally did not fuckin touch her. and then i get jumped by a rabid mob, lose my job, have all my friends and family hate me, get exiled by society, and then i GO TO JAIL FOR 2438295742032380 YEARSSSSS!!!! any of you fellas feel this way, too?”
– u/[deleted] via r/AskMen
It’s funny to me, actually, to see this transferal of paranoia and fear. To think of all the times women have had to be overly conscious of where they go, when they go, whom they go with, what they wear when they go, and all of the horrific possibilities that could still happen even if they do everything “the right way” according to society’s standards. And then have that paranoia and fear be dismissed with “not ALL men” or “what about the Nice Guys™?” The difference, though, lies in actual lived experiences and reality. Let’s look at some statistics, shall we?
- Approximately 1 in 5 (21.3% or an estimated 25.5 million) women in the U.S. reported completed or attempted rape at some point in their lifetime
- More than half (51.1%) of female victims of rape reported being raped by an intimate partner and 40.8% by an acquaintance
- Rape is the most under-reported crime; 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police
- Out of every 1000 sexual assault cases, 995 perpetrators will walk free
- 230 are reported to police
- 46 reports lead to arrest
- 9 cases get referred to prosecutors
- 5 cases will lead to felony conviction
- 4.6 rapists will be incarcerated
- Prevalence of false sexual assault reporting is approximately between 2% and 10%
- NOTE: There are discrepancies when it comes to inconsistent usage and definitions of legal terminology such as “baseless”, “unfounded”, “unsubstantiated”, “false”, etc. that make these stats dicey. For example, a report that is deemed “unfounded” does not necessarily mean that sexual assault did not occur, but means that it does not meet legal criteria to officially be considered as such
If only we lived in a world where rapists en masse got the absolute dog shit beat out of them and lost everything good in life, right? Or better yet, one where we didn’t even have to worry about things like this happening at all to begin with? That’s the ironic part about these men bitching and moaning about #MeToo allegedly messing up their game (whatever little they had…) and their life. We’re literally trying to work towards a point where nobody has to worry about any of this, and in the unfortunate event that it does happen, survivors are supported and perpetrators are taken to task. You should be using this movement as an opportunity for reflection and self-improvement. If your first thought isn’t that, but rather, how much harder it’s going to be for you to personally do what you want how you want, then perhaps you were the problem all along!
SOURCES
Unruly Bodies 
This irrational fear is so annoying and stupid. Bringing consent to the forefront of your actions is so valuable and reassuring. For example, I always ask people (Pre-COVID) if they want a hug or a high-five before giving them that which they chose. It makes people feel safer and more comforted when you respect their choices. That tweet is some jerk that just wants to do whatever he wants to women and get away with it. Your post is amazing and you keep doing what you’re doing!!!!!