As an afab nonbinary person who feels most comfortable dressing in “feminine” clothes, I am often misgendered by others. I don’t really mind being perceived as a girl by strangers, personally– I am lucky enough to not experience dysphoria, but I do still want to be visibly genderweird so that other queer people know I’m friend shaped. That doesn’t mean I like being misgendered though, obviously. Like everyone still has to use they/them pronouns for me, but I can’t beam that into strangers’ brains telepathically (yet) so it is what it is. 

If you were curious, a few of my favorite ways to describe my gender are “girl adjacent,” “girly girl but there’s something definitely wrong with me,” and “oh you know, just, like, the color pink.” One could accurately say that I have a relationship with girlhood in the same way that the toons in Roger Rabbit have a relationship with the laws of physics. That is, it’s only there when it’s fun or funny– which brings us, finally, to the real topic of this blog post. I misgender myself a lot for the purpose of comedy, and I am definitely not the only trans person I know who does this. And oh boy is it funny. Cis people just can’t be on our level, sorry. 

But what makes it funny (Disclaimer: I don’t have an answer, I’m hoping one of yall does though)? It’s not just the misgendering, because we get that from others all the time and it’s definitely not entertaining. Is it about having control? I have no idea. What I have noticed is that I most often do this when I am somehow separating my current self from some other fragment of me, be it a lone body part (“she’s talking,” I say when my stomach gurgles), a part of my persona (my ADHD and “sleepy me” are both traitors), or my “past self.” So maybe it’s about creating distinction? Who knows. I don’t think it’s harmful though. I just think it’s a playful type of humor that only we have access to, which makes it like a fun little inside joke. 

There’s a whole other conversation to be had about gendered words that I am comfortable with based on their connotation, although this can absolutely also be humor related. (For example, my partner and I are both nonbinary but we refer to each other as “my wife” as often as we say “my spouse.”) I think that the connotations of gendered words definitely have a role in their Humor Factor for Comedic Misgendering, but I also think that a much more serious, in depth look should be taken when analyzing gender and connotation. Wife, for example has a warm, loving, safe connotation. For me, the word husband feels like none of those things. 

Anyway I don’t know what to make of this thing, I just think its an interesting pattern and also I was wondering if anyone else has theories on why (some) trans people do this.