There is no doubt that many of us have changed after quarantine and as a result of this pandemic. Many of us are overwhelmed, anxious, but some of us might have used the time in quarantine to better themselves. I was not one of those people. If you scrolled on TikTok during the height of the pandemic back in March/April of 2020 you would see glamorized morning routines, cloud coffee videos, exercise routines, etc. But, there are hidden layers to what you might see through your screen.

There was a trend that started around the spring of this year and it was the trend of becoming ‘that girl’. There have been many interpretations as to who or what ‘that girl’ does. She usually gets up early, has a tentative workout routine, eats healthy, drinks lots of water, doesn’t seem to have any other company besides herself and enjoys that, she reads daily, etc. For someone like me, who wears pajamas out as clothes and gets hydrated on Coca-Cola, this becoming ‘that girl’ trend seemed like something I wanted to try out and incorporate into my routine. I tried it out for a couple of days but one night I laid in bed and wondered, ‘Who the hell is this?’ as I put on an alarm for 7AM on a SATURDAY to do a workout that didn’t make me feel like the goddess I already knew I was. I realized becoming ‘that girl’ isn’t all that it’s chalked up to be. I sat there and wondered, ‘What am I gaining from this?’. Ever since I was younger, I always grew up thinking that I wasn’t worth much. My skin and hair were darker than the other girls on tv, I was a little thicker than the girls I went to school with and no one seemed to want to confess their dying love to elementary school me, sadly. I always thought I was the problem. I would try make-up trend, hair trends, fashion trends, that were not made for me. I felt like an outcast. Gradually, things got better as I grew up and grew confidence from seeing celebrities like Lizzo and Adele dominating stages and unapologetically being them. I often thought that I needed to change my outlook in order to gain more confidence and show everyone my worth. It’s still a work in progress, but hey, at least it’s progress. Many things we see on social media or on TV might want us to think otherwise of ourselves, but we always have to remember that the only opinion that matters is our own. Finding the best version of yourself is how you know you have truly becoming ‘that’. Honestly, it’s hard to be a double-thick chocolate milkshake with a killer personality in a world of popsicle sticks, but somebody’s got to the job.