The idea of belonging in society is a scary one. Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to do? These are questions that I find myself asking everyday. It seems no matter what you do you are judged or looked at for being different; but then again what is normal? One of the biggest struggles in the midst of all of this is how I define myself athletically. I have lived my whole life identifying as an athlete and acting in such manner. Now that I have entered college I have been hit with the brutal reality that it is not just enough to be an athlete. I am forced to truly figure out who I am and what all I value. This has been a daunting challenge. How am I supposed to maintain my happiness while still aligning with the standards that society and the athletic world has set for me? How am I supposed to react if I do not play? If I no longer want to play this sport anymore? There are so many unanswered questions that I am unite frankly too scared to even attempt to answer. The sense of belonging used to be something that I felt safe and content with. I never felt the need to extend myself or felt the need to discover who I really am? As this journey of self identity and self discovery continues I need the constant reminder of do not lose sight of myself, even if that means falling out of touch with what society, or the athletics world, wants from me. Identity does not have to be something that is a linear discovery. And more importantly identity is not something that people can decide for you. It involves the hard and tough questions and challenges that you don’t want to answer, but instead you have to.
Unruly Bodies 
I too have a fear of belonging. My blog was also about what and who I am. What you wrote about is one of my fears, finding something I belong it, but having the feeling that it’s not enough. I’m afraid if I commit myself to a label, it still won’t be right or feel like enough. I am far from athletic, but I understand how you feel.
That’s why I hate giving myself titles and refuse any title even if I perfectly fit the title. When I was younger I would obsess over being a “geek” and would purposefully read comic books because that’s what I thought that meant. I eventually understood I really didn’t like comic books all too much and I came to an understanding I didn’t need a title. Titles limit what you can be because you may be that in that moment but what if you decide to change? Some people make certain things their entire personality and then once they decide to change they struggle because they’ve locked themselves in a box. So when people ask me who am I? I am me.