Ever wake up in the morning, and go throughout your day and have nothing go wrong? You just had an amazing day; however, something seems off to you. You can’t seem to put you finger on it, but it’s bothering for some reason you’re just not satisfied with what you have. That it just one example of the many, many, MANY ways we go through life unsatisfied with what we have. No individual is exempt from these feelings of wanting more. Everyone has their own wants and needs, for me body dysphoria is something that I believe I battle.
It’s Fall 2019, fresh into college, a new environment where all my dietary decisions are now my own. When they say “Freshman Fifteen”, man were they not lying. However, being a former high school athlete, I constantly stayed in shape whether it was my ROTC classes keeping me in shape, or just playing pick up games with my friends on campus. Everything was good, until it hit. COVID-19 struck like lightning, everything shut down, social distancing arose and that is when my problem began.
Mary Kosut and Lisa Jean Moore agree that “what gets to count as a body-a normal, healthy, functioning body-is contested by medical professionals, the state, clergy, and lay people alike.” That was very evident for me when I was at home during COVID-19. I could literally see my figure disappearing slowly as I continued to do nothing about it. It was getting to the point that I would go in the mirror see it and simply do nothing about it. This was a confusing time, because to everyone else I looked like I was in great health and shape, but to me I looked terrible.
Body dysphoria can really be an ego killer causing you to feel a certain way. It’s times like that in which you need to really have supportive friends who are there to encourage you so that you do not fall into a depression that it can bring. Luckily for me I had friends that listened to my complaints and decided to hold me accountable of myself. When I tried to slip up and allow myself to just gain the weight, they were there telling me otherwise so that I did not slip up again.
Unruly Bodies 
I can completely understand what you are saying here! The feelings of high expectations of others (or even the expectations of yourself) that only just keep going higher and higher can feel so crushing! And when you feel like your body is not even your own and that you feel that your own skin feel uncomfortable to wear is such a concerning and ego damaging feeling too. So ya, we may have had different experiences in life, but I can totally understand where you are coming from on this.
I understand what you are saying here! I am also very appreciative you have those friends that will hold you accountable, even when it is hard. Both of my sisters suffer from this issue and I feel like I’m constantly fighting their minds telling them how beautiful they are, but they always find something to pick apart, which anyone could do! Having your ego down is no fun, but the bright side is there are so many more special parts of you, that have nothing to do with the way you look. Keep those friends around, they sound like good ones!