When you think of a muslim what comes to your mind first? A modest woman in a hijab? A man with a beard? Sunday school, mosques, exotic foods? Men and Women within a close-knit community, with a conservative look to match their conservative morals?
I wouldn’t really blame you because along with the representation we get in media, this is the image many muslims choose to peddle amongst themselves as well as to non-muslims. The reality is Muslims are simply followers of the religion of Islam. A muslim can be anyone and look like anything. So why is it that when a muslim dresses a bit more risqué, or has a non-traditional look or morals, the first people to ‘call them out’ are their fellow muslim peers. The “haram police” as they are called, is essentially slang for a good for nothing groups of ASSHOLES who go around trying to shame and police muslims (mainly muslim women, as well as lgbt muslims) on social media. A muslim woman in a short skirt? “Haha, whore you’re going to hell”. A muslim man with a boyfriend? “Disgusting, you’ll burn in hell”. A muslim with colorful hair or alternative clothing? “Hell”. Awful I know. As if regular criticism wasn’t enough, you have fellow muslims trolling you too? Trash.
But in all actuality, the haram police exists off the internet too. We can find them within our mosques, snickering and sneering when a girl has her bangs poking out of her hijab, or at school, side eyeing and gossiping when they see a muslim with a pride flag pin, and even within our own homes, when our parents own parents don’t want us to wear a cute pair of shorts because “What if our friends call you a whore”. The concept of shame and using it to control others is very prominent within the muslim community. I’m sure it is in others as well, but my experience is within here. From a young age my parents conditioned me to always care what people think, to never stand out from the crowd, always make sure I keep my head down and blend in as to not draw negative attention. The absolute WORST thing I could do, is bring shame upon myself, thus automatically extending it to shame upon our family name.
In many other muslim households this idea of shame, and letting people know what they are doing is shameful, truly runs deep within muslim culture. The second you stray away, clothes, makeup, interests, ANYTHING, you become a victim of intense scrutiny, from the people who are supposed to accept you the most. Myself, being a muslim, being gender fluid, having colorful hair, wearing shorts skirts and dresses…immediately am distanced from the muslim community…simply because of the way I look. “You can’t be muslim, look at your hair” “No practicing muslim would ever dress like that” “Ew umm…why are you saying you’re lgbt? You definitely can’t be muslim…” This is the bullshit I’ve dealt from my classmates, my ‘friends’ and even my own family. And they wonder why I used to be ashamed to tell people I was a Muslim.
Unruly Bodies 
This was genuinely a good read. I love how you immediately grasped my attention with your introductory hook. Moreover, having Muslim friends; some who are hijabi(excuse me if this is not the term) and some who have turned away from that aspect of the culture and express themselves freely, even friends who outside their household don’t wear their hijab yet when their parents , facetime them or say they are visiting, their hijab is in their bag and ready to be put on for the façade. Reading this read brought up a relatability to the stories in which my friends have portrayed to me and I wholeheartedly agree throughout many cultures shame is the forefront to conditioning and controlling individuals who reside in that culture. Again great read!!!
I appreciate that you shared your experience and brought this up. I always assumed implicitly that hostility and hatred against Muslim people was external but never thought that hate might reside internally as I just commonly have assumed that the only hateful religion was Christianity.
I’ve seen a lot of this sentimentality expressed on the internet via comments sections, and I’m sorry that you’ve had to deal with this – thank you for sharing it publicly! I think it’s difficult for us to imagine the internal workings of other religions and cultures, especially when they are on the opposite spectrum from our own. Non-Muslims can’t picture or imagine what living in a Muslim household looks like, and vice versa. I think the reality, and the problem, is that we criticize girls for what they wear no matter their culture, and no matter what they’re wearing. Your example of “No practicing muslim would ever dress like that” is intimately familiar to me as it’s word-for-word identical to how Christian families police their girls’ clothes as well.
Wow, this was genuinely enlightening. I never considered this to be something a Muslim girl would have to deal with on this level, though I know it takes place within Christianity and Judaism. Why would Muslims be any different? Muslims are not monolithic, and being Muslim is not black or white but various shades of gray. Thank you for showing a Muslim household is just like many other households. It takes courage to step outside of the box when everything around you says it is wrong. Keep living boldly. Keep being you.
I really enjoyed reading this blog post! I do not come from a Muslim background, so I wasn’t aware of the daily struggle of a Muslim girl. I am aware of the antagonistic behavior and scorn against those of the Muslim faith but never did not consider that the loathing would dwell on the inside of the community as well. I always was aware of “there is no hate like Christian love”, but to be honest, the hate within and directed at the group does scare me.
Salaam and peace my friend❤️, This sounds so painful 😣. It sounds like you have been through so much! You are so brave for sharing your thoughts here. Thank you so much! I talk a lot about being Muslim in America in my blog, muslimheartjourneys.wordpress.com. I’m excited to share my writing with you as a fellow Muslim who doesn’t quite “fit the mold.” I look forward to reading more of your experience, my dear! ❤️ God bless❤️