Do I actually want children or do I only want children because society, culture, and family has enforced the idea I do? When I was younger this was an easy question to answer. I would have said something along the lines of: “Of course I want children. Who wouldn’t? I want 4 kids!” I thought that was what you were supposed to do when you “grow up.” You get married and then have children… easy. As I got older I realized very quickly that it was not that simple.
First off, pregnancy and giving birth affects your body in so many ways. Pregnancies are not as simple as cravings and a round tummy. Your body has to completely transform and adjust for the baby growing in your stomach. Some of these changes are permanent. And then there are so many stigmas around women having sagging breasts, stretch marks, and their vagina stretching. As if any of that even matters. I don’t know if I am ready for my body to completely change. Also, the thought of my vagina ripping gives me chills. I will never be mentally prepared for that.
Another aspect of having children that scares the shit out of me is somehow fucking them up. That might be a harsh way to put it, but that’s exactly how I feel. What if I don’t give it enough love and attention… or I give it too much? What if I’m too strict or I’m too lenient? How do you even raise kids? I know my parents did the best they could to raise me but I really wish they could have done a lot of things differently. I wish they could have waited to have me and my brother when they were more financially stable and their marriage wasn’t on the verge of falling apart.
Once you have children you suddenly have to live your life for someone else. Your decisions in life now directly affect another human being. I can’t choose to suddenly move to a different country and live out a dream there because I have to consider my child that relies on me. I am so scared I am going to lose my identity. I always think about how much happier my mother would be if she didn’t spend the majority of her life raising us. She could have done so many more things. Maybe she wouldn’t have felt like she needed to be stuck in a bad marriage, and she could remarry and find actual love.
But at the same time, I love kids. Any time I see my younger cousins I love playing with them. I love holding and cuddling babies. It’s exciting to think about taking care of a baby and having a family with the person I love. Whenever anyone asks if I want kids my answer is usually yes, but I always explain my hesitations. I know that if I ever do decide to have my own children I have to be 100% okay with everything that could possibly go wrong.
Unruly Bodies 
This is exactly how I feel sometimes when I think about having kids. My mom did everything she could with little to no help and its like would I be able to do that?? The thought of having kids is very scary. As a kid, I used to think why people were scared to have sex but now that I’ve grown up and learned alot even though I’m still very young and still have alot to learn, I understand it now. Raising a child is very stressful and puts alot on your physical and mental state. This post is exactly what society needs to hear. Thank you for this
I felt this post on an ENTIRELY different level! Sometimes, I don’t think I have stepped back from the traditional idea of family and asked myself what do I want? If I were able to be blessed enough to have children, the most I would want is two. I don’t think I could handle more than that. It’s a lot of responsibility and like you mentioned: affects your body is so many ways. I think it’s important to take the time to ask yourself those questions as a woman before having intercourse with others, because ultimately it’s a risk you have to be willing to take incase it does happen.