Hear me out: Although I don’t do it, I like working out.
I did yoga a lot when school was online but it was always at night so I wouldn’t be interrupted but it just felt kind of…pointless. Who works out at night just to sleep right afterwards?
I mean, I did, but you get it.
I just was never consistent and the thing is, I go too hard. I push myself for the post-workout pain like I’m not this blob of unexercised mass literally because I like to, like the smallest exercise won’t hurt. I’ve learnt to be nicer to my body because of this class but I think I’m really not ready to consciously exercise and learn my limits. I also refuse to calorie count or weigh myself because I’ll get obsessive.
And my body goals are not…casual.
I also wanted to play a sport but I feel like it’s just because I like being dedicated to something. I ran track in middle school for a little bit but that wasn’t really my sport and our coaches sucked. I wanted to cheer in high school, but as a senior when I decided I wanted to, I felt like it was too late. I forgot to go to the tryouts or interest meetings here. My best choice now is making myself work out on my own, with the only thing driving me being me.
I want to start weightlifting. Muscles and flexibility (not losing weight, even though I think that’s inevitable?) are my fixation right now so remember those unconventional body goals? Women gymnasts, figure skaters, bodybuilders, and men that play superheroes.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
I love those videos of when actors talk about their routines to get however for a certain role like I’ll ever be in the gym doing whatever actually superhuman shit they did but it’s nice to imagine. Figure skating (or just ice skating in general) just looks really fun and I think it’s the idea of working out and then taking it to better a talent that sounds so fun, same thing with gymnastics.
I just don’t have it in me and that’s okay. I’ll get to it when I have it in me.
I think my obsession with muscle comes with me being nonbinary, in a way. Women are seen as “soft” so I use it to distance myself because I see how women who aren’t your conventional “soft” are sidelined, no matter how unfair it is to those women. It’s hell to be told “Women aren’t supposed to look like that!” from…well, everyone, when all you have is muscle and work out.
I know if I ever start working out, I’ll be hit in two different ways from my family, specifically the women in my family. They’ll either a. try to start with me because no adventure is my own or b. judge the hell out of me because I’m going further than they expected. I’m excited for either because I’m just gonna keep going.
With all that being said, if you see me in the gym next semester or just running around (you probably won’t but it’s the thought that counts), hiiii.
Unruly Bodies 
Hey , first off this is a lovely post! I support you in your physique endeavors!! I too I’m fascinated with muscles , to the point I sometimes watch bodybuilders like Chris Bumstead and my fyp(for you page) on tiktok and even Instagram is filled of muscle building exercises for all parts of the body. I find it funny when you asked the question “Who works out at night just to sleep right afterwards?” because I do too. I feel like any exercise at anytime of the given day/night offers benefit. I’m scared to fully get invested into working out for one of the reactions you mentioned, the judgement in which my family will throw my way. Again lovely post!
Thanks for sharing with us. Personally, I think your body goals are casual in the sense that it is how you want to present yourself and our body plays a role in making us feel like this is who we are. Definitely, it can lead to toxicity about body images but I admire the confidence and ownership you have about your body despite knowing how your family may judge. I support your physique endeavors, of course that is whenever you are ready! You have the right to your own body and love for your own body is much more important than other people’s opinions.
LMAOOO, I resonate with this post 1000%. I love working out, but I just don’t do it. It’s honestly me getting to the gym and starting the workout, that just makes me stay at home. However, if I do go, then I turn into a full beast. Also feel you on not weighing myself, because I know when I don’t reach a certain goal of mine, then I’ll be highly disappointed with myself. Then when I am disappointed with myself, I just start emotionally eating, and then that ends up being an on-going cycle. I’ve learned to just workout, and when I start seeing physical change/feeling my body change, then I become more motivated. But you got it in the bag, there’s nothing wrong with trying to mentally and physically train your mind to start going back to the gym. However, don’t start making excuses for yourself and just push yourself one day to just go. Even if it’s not the gym, it could be going roller-skating… like Nike, just do it!
I found this post to be so relatable in so many ways. I love working out and being an athlete the standards I have to meet never align with the standard society wants me to meet. Through this process I have just learned to be comfortable in my own skin and love myself for it. I don’t think you should worry about what your family may say, although it may be scary, taking a step to better yourself in your own way is the most important thing.
I enjoyed this post! I wish I enjoyed it as much as you did. I do however enjoy the way my body feels after a workout. The struggle is getting my body to the place where I can mentally and physically do the work. Everyone has an option on working out and the best ways, and sometimes it’s best to just drown them out and do what works for you! Good luck in the gym, if you decide to go 🙂
I can definitely relate to this post. The relationship I have with working out has it similarities to yours. I like working out too but I go through these periods in my life where I become too busy to head to the gym and then I fall into this pattern of not going and pretty soon I am too out of shape to do the workouts I was able to do before. It’s hard to get yourself to go the gym especially with the judgements. Judgements that if you go to much you’ll become to muscular, judgements at the gym where you feel like you are not doing enough or you are doing too much. But hey, working out is different for everyone and you should do what makes you happy and comfortable, because at the end of the day the only opinion that matters is your own.
This is so true! I started weight lifting and excersicing in general just to get stronger and I feel so much better. It’s a certain joy from weightlifting when you see your body changing and can feel things get easier that makes you smile. I want to consistently work out but I find motivating myself pretty hard so I signed up for the weightlifting class so I can somewhat be forced lol.
I always had a toned body and I had two responses. Women complementing me and saying I looked good, asking for tips, and men calling me man hands making fun of my muscles. This led to me having a weird relationship with my body. My boyfriend now wants me to go with him to the gym so he has someone to keep him accountable since he used to go before the pandemic but I keep putting it off because I’m afraid if I get more toned I’ll be unattractive to him. It’s weird and it makes no sense but that’s just how I feel. Hopefully I’ll be able to just get over it and go, because I do miss being healthy. I think I’ll start with eating healthy and then work my way towards the gym.
Ahh!! I’m reading this at the perfect time. I was just thinking last night about what it was like to start working out- my siblings never believed the things I said I was doing until months and months later when I started to “look” like someone who could be athletic. Today I got so dizzy in the gym I just went home and I’ve been feeling bad about it all day. My friends joke that I should never learn to count calories or I’ll destroy myself. It’s funny but they’re right. Learning to patiently get better, learn your body and habits and limit yourself in either direction is so difficult. Cheers to you for whatever patience and love you can show yourself day to day. It is a big deal ❤️
That’s cool! It’s never too late to start learning anything. As an aspiring fiction writer, something one of my professors taught me that really put things into perspective was that none of the active writers we read in class had published a book until they were in their late 30s! It’s not productive to measure my success against others of course, but it was comforting to learn that I wasn’t the only one with a slow start. Especially as a super senior!