(content warning: sexual assault)

I still remember that day in July. It was at a weird time in my life. I had been back on hormones for a few months now, after having been off for way too long due to a bad combo of adhd and anxiety making my life much harder than it needed to be. Similarly I had been working for the past few months in a grocery store. It was a frustrating job but at the very least it paid me.

They had asked me previously if I was willing to assist at another store. The drive there was only 30 minutes, and they were willing to give me an additional 25 dollar gift card if I was willing to go and help out. I was always so willing to help so it felt natural for me to assist.

When I got there, I was mildly annoyed to learn that I was there to train another employee. Its not the worst task in the world, but it takes way more effort, and the department manager was also there. In my mind, she really should have been the one training him. Yet I was not too annoyed. I had done this many times in multiple different jobs.

And then he came. The man I was training was perhaps the most frustrating employee I had ever trained. He didn’t want to work and seemed to feel that work was just a place to socialize rather than actually work. Worse he seemed way too interested in me, when I just wasn’t interested in him. I tried to politely turn every conversation to the work we were supposed to doing, that I was teaching him, but it didn’t go over well.

And then we were alone in the cooler together where there are no cameras (supposedly it was too cold or something). It was unavoidable, a major part of the work duties involved doing stuff in there. That was where he decided to act.

He grabbed me and forced his lips on mine. He tried to do even more, putting his hands in my pants. I froze for a second before attempting to get away. I couldn’t do anything against him though. Luckily, after a second, he stopped. He even apologized. He said he thought there had been a connection and that he was sorry.

I reported him immediately. It was a calculated risk. He had only been there for a few days, and it was clear to me the department manager didn’t like him. Luckily they listened and fired him. I was impressed at the time, it got done extremely quickly.

That should have been the end. But was only the beginning. I was told that because of how the schedule was laid out, they needed me to work extra that day to make up for the work of the guy they just fired. I ended up working for 13 hours. I even got a mild warning from a manager because I wasn’t smiling enough. I had to pretend everything was fine, at least in front of the customers.

I mostly did it. I had plenty of practice. But it was just so fucking exhausting.

Ever since then, I’ve thought a lot about that day. I remember wondering if there was something I could have done to prevent it. I wondered if I had worn less makeup perhaps he wouldn’t have desired me. If I could have been more careful.

At the time, I had actually been really impressed with my workplace. They fired him near instantly and that was better than any other place I had worked. Yet when I think back on it, they should have done better. I wish I could have said no.